New Old Music: Unabashedly Generic

Because it's been quite a while since my last New Old Music post, a brief recap is in order: When I moved to my new home over the summer, I decided to start listening to all the music CDs in my collection that had been sitting in a box for more than a decade without ever having been listened to. Yay recap.

By now I've listened to virtually everything (or as much of it as I can stand), so it's as good a time as any to continue my tales of this exfanding experience. This time I'll be discussing two of the most unabashedly generic albums in my collection.


Richard Marx - Paid Vacation (1994)

What I expected: Love songs. Soft, easy-listening love songs.

What I got: The forgotten soundtrack of a forgotten '80s movie.

What I think: Like Peter Cetera's previously discussed World Falling Down, probably not the kind of CD I'd keep in the car, but a song here and there on my computer playlist might be nice. I swear I've heard at least one of these songs on the radio before, but then again, most of the album gives me that feeling.


Cruel Shoes - Cruel Shoes Demo CD (1992)

My scanner isn't hooked up yet, and the CD cover doesn't appear to be anywhere on the Internet, but just imagine a black-and-white photo of a shoe fashioned out of recycled motorcycle parts, leaning against the top of a Corinthian column.

[EDIT FROM THE FUTURE: Hey, I got a scanner.]

What I expected: Angry, atonal, hard rock about horrible, horrible subjects.

What I got: The forgotten soundtrack of a forgotten '80s movie.

What I think: Whereas Paid Vacation is the unobtrusive kind of generic, sounding vaguely like other light rock songs I enjoy well enough, this demo CD manages to combine the singer's slightly rough voice with various instruments from synthesizers to saxophones in such a way that causes it to be gradually grating without any permanent damage. It's not particularly memorable, but each of the three songs is 5+ minutes in length, and that's just too long for me with this kind of music.


Two albums? That's it? Yes, unless you'd like more forgotten soundtracks of forgotten '80s movies. I think you get the idea here. Perhaps I'll have more to share with you next time, when I discuss the most unlistenable albums of them all. Get your earplugs ready.

New Old Music: You CAN'T Judge a CD by Its Cover

[Ha ha! Just kidding! No Comic-Con recap today! We'll have one on Thursday, though. Promise!]

As you may recall, I've embarked on a quest to listen through the stack of music CDs that have been sitting untouched in a box or on my shelf for over a decade. Last time, I discussed CDs that sounded pretty much like I expected them to. This time, I get to reveal how bad at guessing games I really am.


Tom Chapin - Family Tree (1988)

What I expected: The same brand of surprisingly clever and enjoyable kid songs as those put forth on the Zag Zig album.

What I got: The kind of stock kids' music I was afraid of encountering when I popped in Zag Zig.

What I think: Alright, so it's not as bad as that. There are still many songs with the same level of creativity and parent-friendliness, but I found myself getting weary of most songs before even the halfway mark.

The songs are well-constructed and always spot-on in their storytelling--what it's like to help your dad shovel snow, or how children show up "in the nick of time" when you're going to COUNT TO FIVE, OR ELSE, BUSTER--but the lyrics just weren't as interesting to me and the music itself was more often a vehicle for the story than something fun to listen to on its own.

Still a good album for the young'uns, but maybe better as a bedtime CD than a fun road trip CD.


Curtis Salgado/Terry Robb - Hit It 'n Quit It (1996)

What I expected: I dunno...Hall & Oates, maybe?

What I got: ...Blues? No, seriously. Where is that harmonica coming from? No, I can't go for that. No can do.

What I think: Blues is really hit-or-miss-or-miss-really-hard with me, and this album covers a little bit of everything. There are songs where the instruments overpower the vocals, and vice-versa, and I think I prefer blues where everything is evenly balanced.

There are some songs like that (and one or two that are all instrumental), but I'm not terribly big on the repetition or the relatively gentile voices that sound like they're trying a little bit to sound like some of the more famous and more rugged blues performers. For me, the best songs here are the ones that blend into the background, so I may keep a few of these around.


Battlerack Scatter - The Blues Ain't For Everybody (1996)

What I expected: Bananas At Large, but unintentionally funny.

What I got: MORE BLUES? HONKY-TONK BLUES??

What I think: There must be something about the use of a synthesizer, a greater focus on percussion, and lyrics like, "Yeah, I know my woman is ugly" that make the genre more interesting to me. The CD is a little hypnotic, a tad quirky, and pleasingly easy to listen to. Seems like a nice choice to keep around the car if I ever need a change of pace.


UB40 - Labour Of Love III (1998)

What I expected: Hey, at last, a group I recognize! I remember their renditions of "Red Red Wine" and "Can't Help Falling In Love," so this CD will totally sound like that.

What I got: SPACE REGGAE!! I am absolutely serious. The first track starts off with lyrics that sound like no language ever to grace this planet, and with unearthly sound effects so strange that I actually had to turn off the music at several points to make sure there was nothing wrong with my car.

What I think: Despite my love for sci-fi, I don't think there's a place for Space Reggae in my collection. It isn't atrocious, but I'm not fond of reggae to begin with, and there are simply too many noises I can't begin to classify on this CD. Perhaps it'd be best to donate this one. To science.


Pia Zadora - Pia Today! (1989)

What I expected: This is so a teenie bopper CD with just a hint more "You Are So Beautiful."

What I got: B-B-Broadway showtunes!? From a woman with a strong, adult sound!? And...wait, you've got to be kidding me...she actually sings "You Are So Beautiful"?! Hah! Guess I'm not as bad at this guessing thing as I thought!

What I think: I like showtunes, but usually only when I'm watching a show. Though the songs on this CD are standards such as "All By Myself" and "Get Me To The Church On Time" and not technically showtunes (as far as I know), the presentation is definitely showtuney, and it actually makes me a little depressed.

I can't exactly explain it--her performance is solid, and the songs aren't bad, but I grew more and more unhappy the longer I listened. The silver lining here is that Pia was a child actress in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, which is one of the best (I.e. worst) Mystery Science Theater 3000 movies I've ever seen.


That's all for today. Maybe next time I'll see if I can round up the most unabashedly generic albums of the lot. Stay tuned.

New Old Music: You CAN Judge a CD by Its Cover

Some time ago I began to systematically listen through a pile of music CDs I'd had for about fifteen years and had never touched. It's been torture. It's been wonderful. It's been everything in-between.

No matter how atrocious or uncomfortably different the music may be, I've made it a point to listen to every single song all the way through. Unless, of course, something is atrocious and uncomfortably different, in which case I've given it about thirty seconds to spontaneously morph into "Eye of the Tiger" before skipping it.

This is but the first of many posts describing my journey through the best, worst, and strangest of the obscure, second-stringer, and special-occasion-only artists in my collection. There's plenty more where this came from, there are even more genres and styles to cover, and I assure you, the most outrageous is yet to come.


Peter Cetera - World Falling Down (1992)

What I expected: A solo album from Chicago frontman Peter Cetera. You know--the kind that sounds like Chicago, but with fewer horns, and less likely to get stuck in your brain forever (for better or for worse).

What I got: Peter Cetera teaming up with The Cure to sound like Toto. As expected, I can't remember a single song right now, but I do recall that the album was generally inoffensive soft rock, with a few instances of generally inoffensive energetic soft rock in the middle.

What I think: Not bad, actually. I get the feeling this is the kind of album that grows on you after a while.

Perhaps not an album I'll have in my car very often, but definitely something I'll mix into the music library on my computer to help dilute the overwhelming amount of video game music. (Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you.)


Stephen W. Beatty - Symphony Number Six: "The Oceanic" (1995)

What I expected: An orchestra playing some grand symphony evoking images of the ocean.

What I got: An electronic orchestra playing some grand symphony evoking images of the ocean. I understand the composer uses sampled orchestral sounds, so we're not talking about the opera in Final Fantasy VI here.

The back of the CD describes it as, "...[celebrating] our ability to reflect on our condition and to express some of the feelings that we all share when confronted with universal ultimates. Symphonic music composed in the post romantic style." Maybe that's helpful to some of you.

What I think: I'm quite fond of instrumental music, especially because it works well as thinking music and background for Dungeons & Dragons games. This CD is no exception.

I might keep this one in my car for more introspective road trips, and you can bet that someday, some thoughtful dialogue is gonna happen between an ocean king and some adventurers with this music playing.


His Majestie's Clerkes - Hallelujah!: Great Choruses from Handel's Messiah (1995)

What I expected: Great choruses from Handel's Messiah. Jeez, these CDs are pretty self-explanatory.

What I got: If I tell you, would you at least pretend to be surprised?

What I think: Having sung several of these pieces in concert, I enjoyed this CD. The performers are very good, and, well, it's Handel's Messiah. If you don't like that, this CD won't change your opinion any.

If I'm in a particularly sing-y mood, I might pop this in while driving.


Dorothy Moore - More Moore (1997)

What I expected: Aretha Franklin, but more soulful.

What I got: I'm getting really good at this guessing thing! Except it's a lot harder to tell Dorothy Moore's songs apart, at least on this album.

I also got a CD filled with 11 songs about men who done her wrong, or who you know are gonna do her wrong any minute now.

What I think: Aside from a few measures that I swore were going to turn into a cover of "Live and Let Die," I did not enjoy this CD. I didn't hate it, and I didn't bang my head against the steering wheel to take my mind off the pain of listening to it, but this really isn't my favorite style of music.

It doesn't help that the sound is mostly identical across the whole CD--there's very little variety in the instrumentation, the lyrics, and her voice, which is only good if you want more Moore. I wouldn't mind one of these songs every once in a while, but I like a lot of Moore less.


Tom Chapin - Zag Zig (1994)

What I expected: Children's music. Fun, tolerable children's music.

What I got: Quirky and creative songs about all sorts of kid-friendly topics, including a girl with a loose tooth, and hanging out at the mall after hours during Christmas season.

There's also a birthday party that happened backwards (the guests all left with presents and the person in question was a year younger at the end of it), and the tale of music legend Johnny Glockenspiel. Clever stuff, actually.

What I thought: I haven't laughed this hard while listening to a CD since the last "Weird Al" album. "Weird Album?" Anyhow, I knew this would most likely be a cut above generic children's music that has a complete and utter disregard for the parents and babysitters who have to suffer through it.

You see, Tom Chapin is brother to Steve Chapin and Harry Chapin, one of my all-time favorite music artists. Not only does his gruff-yet-gentle voice sound just like Harry's at times, but he has the same love of storytelling.

The songs here are musically interesting, lyrically entertaining, and often socially conscious. Zag Zig successfully teaches and entertains kids while allowing the adults to maintain their sanity, and maybe even willingly sing along. I'm really impressed.


Well, that's enough new music for one day. These are some of the albums that turned out to be very much as I expected them to be...but this hasn't always been the case. Stay tuned for more!