New Twitch.TV Channel!

In anticipation of my possible upcoming all-day Mega Man marathon, I've set up a Twitch.TV account for live streaming video footage of my video game adventures. You can find my channel here:

http://www.twitch.tv/flashman85

If all goes well, Monday will be filled with 15+ hours of Mega Man. If all does not go well, I still hope to use the channel for at least a few less-ambitious projects, such as a blind playthrough of Street Fighter X Mega Man, a marathon of the Game Boy Mega Man games (which, for a few reasons, would be much simpler than a marathon of the console games), and probably even something that isn't Mega Man, if you can believe that.

I'll be sure to post updates here on Exfanding when I'm planning something in advance, but you may wish to tune into my GeminiLaser Facebook page, our Exfanding Facebook page, my YouTube channel, or our Twitter...thingy. Whatever it is you call a channel for people on Twitter.

Probably safe to say you won't hear about it on Twitter.

Early Resolutions, Belated Solutions

Perhaps it's a little too early to be making resolutions for 2013 (or a little too late, depending on when you're reading this), but I think I'd like to spend less time making videos.

I know; I know. I'm the guy who makes videos like this, explaining why I'm not making videos. It's not even conceivable that I could spend less time making videos. Allow me to elaborate: by 2013, I'd like YouTube to be an occasional hobby instead of an ongoing creative project. Like it used to be.

When I started making videos for YouTube, I'd come home from work, do some recording before dinner, and dedicate a Saturday or Sunday afternoon to wrapping up whatever I couldn't finish during the week. I was finishing entire video series in a matter of what, a month? Three, tops? I started playing Space Quest 0 this past July, recorded all the video footage in something like two days, sat down to record all the commentary for each video in 1-2 takes, and it's now November and I've got at least two more videos to go.

Wha happen??

Video recording, like so many of my other things I've tried to work on this past year, became relegated to a routine to ensure that it wouldn't fall by the wayside. The trouble is, when you're making video recording, blogging, writing for GameCola, watching anime, watching movies, watching TV shows, playing video games, reading books, reading comic books...insert another two dozen examples here...part of your routine, you don't really get much of anything done.

I should know better: When I commit to a project, I follow through on it. I don't need to keep chipping away at it every day or every few days to keep from losing momentum; I just need to want to do it in the first place. I started an FAQ/Walkthrough for the PC game Jetpack back in 2008, a few months before the founding of this blog. I added new content off and on throughout the next year, published what I had...and got busy with other things.

Three and a half years later, I picked up where I left off.

My YouTube moniker was selected because it's a Mega Man weapon I like, and because everything else I could think of was already taken...but truly is fitting: GeminiLaser, the one that moves slowly but always bounces back. In my heart, I'm not really a YouTuber. I never intended to make more than a handful of videos. Now I've got 4,161 subscribers and 1,094,078 video views, and that's just for my personal channel alone—that doesn't cover any of the collaborations or contributions I've made for other channels. I've become a thing.

Would I like to continue making videos? Sure. But pretending I'm always working on a video is a drag. I'm a marathon man. I write short poetry, not novels. I do my best work when I can shut out the world for a few hours and stay totally focused on one thing. I have a long short-term attention span, and a short long-term attention span. Prolonging the completion of a video or video series I'm allegedly working on is just delaying the gratification.

Either I'm working on it, and having fun, or I'm not working on it, and having fun doing something else. No more of this in-between business; saying I'm working on a video and having little or nothing to show for it is tantamount to failure. It's like joining a football team and wandering off the field mid-game to compose a symphony—it might be a magnificent symphony, but you're a failure as a football player. I'm tired of subconsciously dragging myself down because I'm not achieving the things I'm not making a priority to achieve. When the opportunity and motivation arise, I'll make another video. Until then, I'm going on a YouTube hiatus.

Remember the last time I went on hiatus? I stepped away from the blog for two weeks, and when I came back, I felt better about writing than I had in months. Whether it's two days or two years before I get back to recording videos, I'm convinced it'll be worth the wait...and even if it isn't, I'll be happier for it.

Let's Play Game Videos

Here's a neat idea: Take the popularity of "Let's Play" videos on YouTube and give a dedicated home to the idea on a website devoted to video game playthroughs. Organize the videos by game name, system, player, and populartiy; throw in a forum; post some news updates. Instant community for gamers, and for those who game vicariously.

http://www.letsplaygames.org/

LPG is only just getting started, but what's there so far looks very promising. Thanks to TheSlumberjack for the heads-up!

Replicating the Fun

I'm currently doing the unthinkable: taking a break from recording more Mega Man videos to do a playthrough of Space Quest 0: Replicated for GCDotNet. There's been a lot of Space Quest buzz lately with all the new fangames and the adventure game project by the Two Guys from Andromeda, so I've been both in a mood for some intergalactic janitorial heroics, and thinking more and more about how it's about time I play another adventure game on YouTube.

The original plan was to do a blind playthrough of a random adventure game I'd never played, preferably a very short one. Boring story short, I had serious issues capturing live commentary and the game audio simultaneously for the particular one I'd chosen, and even more serious issues with recording the video footage itself. I turned to SQ0 instead, a fangame I'd only played through once, several years ago. I decided on a style similar to my Deja Vu recording, adding post-commentary, but going for one continuous take for the entire video rather than trying to perfect individual segments. A nice balance of speed and quality, that.

There's plenty of footage I'm going to speed up or edit out--watching someone try a series of unsuccessful puzzle solutions can get dull incredibly quickly--but it was neat to let the camera roll and just...play. No constant stopping and restarting to get that boss fight just right. No careful planning to ensure total continuity of video footage between cuts. It was liberating.

It made me remember why I enjoyed recording any videos in the first place--these games are fun to play. Making them look perfect and adding clever commentary only adds to that. I seem to have forgotten recently that, like writing for this blog, I'm really doing this for myself. The fact that other people like it only makes it better.

My playthrough of SQ0 is far from perfect. I botch the words I'm trying to type on occasion. I waste my time on clearly pointless actions. I die. A lot. And those imperfections make it more entertaining than any perfect run I could ever hope to record.

Taking a break from recording Mega Man 7 might have been the best thing I could have done to speed up my recording of Mega Man 7. With a refresher of how enjoyable recording can be, even if I'm still running myself through the wringer to get my showoffery just right, I'm far more inclined to keep on top of this project...and to make sure that the tricks I'm pulling off aren't just nice to look at, but fun to execute.

I think there's hope for me yet.

An Introduction to Failure

I'm back into the swing of recording Mega Man videos for my YouTube channel, and I am suddenly reminded of why I was so eager to take a break after finishing Mega Man 6. It wasn't just because I had spent almost two years maintaining a certain degree of focus on just one project; it was because I had spent almost two years on the kind of project that aggravates my perfectionist tendencies.

I don't just pick up and play these games; I practice extensively and retry excessively to yield the most impressive and unique videos I possibly can at this stage in my gaming career. I may be more experienced and arguably more skilled than the average Mega Man player, but that doesn't mean I can survive a battle with Slash Man unscathed.

There are enemy patterns I have yet to memorize, and creative solutions I have yet to think up. I push myself, sometimes painfully so, to achieve whatever goals I set for myself, regardless of how far out of my reach they currently are. It's only when there's some trick or strategy that is simply too difficult for me to consistently pull off that I admit defeat and try something different--but only after I've accomplished it at least once. Needless to say, my practice and recording sessions are often far more frustrating than they are fun. Especially when falling so far short of the mark on the intro stage.

Mega Man 7 kicks off with a simple introductory stage that involves a small area with four generic enemies, a miniboss who can be taken down in a matter of seconds if you're jumping and shooting quickly enough, a brief series of straightforward bottomless pits, and another miniboss fight that involves a pattern that is fairly easy to predict if you're observant. To add some flavor to such a mundane level, I'm going out of my way to come up with interesting and unconventional ways to tackle the challenges at hand. Everything I've come up with I can do with a reasonably high degree of consistency. The problem is doing everything consistently in one take.

I find myself sliding into enemies that, by my calculations, should already be destroyed by the time I move into the space they occupy. I'm misjudging timing and distance, causing me to stumble around and lurch forward awkwardly in a few sections. I know exactly how I want everything to look, and it's all within my grasp, but after spending an entire evening attempting to record, the only clips worth keeping were ones I could only use in a blooper video.

I recognize that I'm not always "in the zone" when I try to record, and that I often get the clip I desire within the first few takes if I step away and come back later. Ironically, I find that playing video games usually helps me unwind from playing video games. The problem this time around is that the only games I have going right now are Morrowind, which is becoming less relaxing to play due to the increased presence of a few enemies that really creep me out, and Star Wars: Rogue Squadron, which would be much more fun if I wasn't failing constantly at missions that require you to complete the same challenge multiple times in a row, with a little bit more difficulty each time, for as long as 10-20 minutes if you're not playing like an expert, with parameters that can cause you to instantly fail the stage if you or the bad guys shoot the wrong thing. I seem to have picked the wrong time to start a high-stress recording project if other video games are my retreat from it.

That's why I decided last night to sit down and play Mega Man. The original Mega Man. One of my favorites. One that I'm good at.

One that still kicks my butt on occasion.

I got a few Game Overs. I wasn't playing for speed or to impress anyone; I just wanted a casual and relaxing evening of playing a game I love. I also tried out a boss order I've never done before, following my wife's helpful suggestion to fight Elec Man before Cut Man. (Pro Tip: Don't fight Elec Man before Cut Man.)

With some practice and experimentation, I finally settled on a strategy that allowed me, for the first time in my Mega Man career, to defeat Elec Man--arguably the most difficult robot master in the entire series to defeat without a special weapon--without a special weapon.

Well, there was that time where I beat him with just the blaster in Mega Man: The Wily Wars, but I chalked it up to luck and a few technical nuances unique to the game that made it easier to succeed than in the NES original. Still, my victory was exhilarating, and I definitely threw my arms up in excitement and let out a "woohoo" that you probably heard if you were anywhere near the east coast of the US last night.

I think I needed the break from recording, but I think I needed that sense of accomplishment more. I needed that reminder that I'm not a total failure if I don't succeed on the first try--especially when I'm attempting to pull off stunts a game neither requires nor encourages. And I needed to have that sense of accomplishment as the culmination of something I enjoyed doing. Video game success doesn't matter much if the path to success isn't any fun--the whole reason I've abandoned most of the tedious optional quests in the games I've played over the past year or two.

I'm recording these videos for fun. It's time to have some fun with that intro stage.

Suit Up!

Using a trio of images found on a website called Anime Paper, I've created a new Metroid desktop wallpaper for my computer. I like it so much that I figured I'd share. Click to enlarge--it's 1440 x 900, but you can effectively resize to smaller resolutions if you stand farther away from your monitor.

From left to right, that's the Light Suit and Dark Suit from Metroid Prime 2, and the PED Suit from Metroid Prime 3. Not pictured: the Zero Suit, which was cool until it sprouted high heels and became the only suit anybody remembers Samus having in the last five years.

Freedom of Dissension

As I've discussed previously, I'm not entirely fond of YouTube's recent universal channel overhaul. So, instead of dealing with the frustrations of the new channel comments section, I have decided to stick it to The Man and create my own channel comments section, by way of a video specifically intended for general comments.

The response has been overwhelming so far, and I can tell that this idea has really struck a chord with my viewers. So many people are equally disgruntled about the forced channel redesign, and so many people are willing to go along with my experiment to circumvent social media's latest outrage.

Here's the kicker: My channel comments section is still open for the people who want to use it. I don't mandate drastic changes and call them improvements; I offer new ideas and present them as alternatives. I am not so inflexible or convinced my way is best that I can't entertain more than one possible mode of expression at a time.

This video is simply one more place to strike up a conversation. If it acts as a successful replacement for channel comments until a more favorable redesign, then I'll be happy. If it's a flash-in-the-pan experiment that ends up being little more than a curious footnote in my channel's history, then I've at least produced an informative and entertaining footnote I can be proud of.

Either way, I'm pleased to present to you my latest video.

Mega Man 2: The Power(less) Fighters

I seem to be on a YouTube kick this month. If I'm not writing about metropolis anxiety or YouTube's forced channel "upgrades," then I'm recording videos--if not on my own, then collaboratively with a few of my friends and fans.

This past weekend, Kirby Pink and I attempted to record a joint playthrough of the arcade game Mega Man 2: The Power Fighters. What we ended up with were a two-part podcast about how all our attempts had been foiled, and one video where we somehow succeeded.







I realize I've yet to post about a few of my previous collaborations, so you can expect to see mention of those fairly soon.

Metropolis Anxiety

Okay, it's happening again. You remember my ghost town anxiety last year? It's that same sensation, except with lots more people. Metropolis anxiety. Well, perhaps "metropolis" suggests too large a group of people, but the sentiment is the same: there are a lot of people commenting on my YouTube channel, and it's getting me antsy for my latest video to be done.

It's now customary for there to be a 1d4-month gap between each installment of my Mega Man playthroughs. That's a little long for my taste. This time around, I released a video in mid-December, took a break through the holiday season, started assembling footage, recorded more footage I didn't realize I'd need--all of which got me to early February or so--and then I sat down to do commentary. I've been chipping away at commentary for a few weeks, and though I'm only four minutes away from completion, that's still another four hours of recording and at least an hour on top of that spent finalizing the video before it goes public.

It takes me forever to record these videos. I know that. Part of it's being a perfectionist (which my wife is helping me to ease back from), and part of it's having the right combination of time, focus, creativity, enthusiasm, and quiet. Even though I have minimal plans on the weekends these days and have the house to myself for a few hours each week, I'm rarely able to record when I most feel like it--which is generally during either my lunch break at work, or in the ten minutes between when I get home and when dinner is ready.

Graceful transition...

There's been a steady increase in the number of comments I'm growing weary of seeing. When will the next video be done? Will you be playing any other games? Have you heard about this trick that you failed to mention in your video two years ago that you've since been informed about on a monthly basis? Did you know I can do one thing that you can't, which obviously makes me a better gamer than you and invalidates all of your accomplishments? Do you want to respond to my inflammatory opinion, so I can argue with you until you say I'm right? I've convinced myself that a new video will give people something else to talk about, which makes me that much more antsy to be done.

There are, of course, the fans that make me eager to finish the next video, and not just anxious. My channel continues to be a source of personal encouragement, thoughtful discussion, and validation for my efforts. They're the people I'm really hurrying for. I've said repeatedly that I have some of the best YouTube fans out there, and it's not only because of the warm reception I get when a new video arrives. I've met some truly neat people over the past three years.

Wow, three years. The original plan was to only cover Mega Man 1-6, but my to-do list is far longer now. Wonder how long I can keep this up.

So You Want to Be a Minor Internet Celebrity?

I receive a good many requests on my YouTube channel for suggestions on how to produce quality content, increase viewer traffic, and generally be better at playing Mega Man. Over the years, I've been happy to oblige—I may not necessarily be the foremost expert in any of the aforementioned matters, but I've enjoyed enough success to have at least a few insights, and I love sharing my interests, knowledge, and advice with others.

What follows is a collection of pointers and recommendations for aspiring YouTube stars, especially those focusing on video game playthroughs. I'll cover Mega Man tips and tricks in a separate post, as there's more than enough ground to cover as it is with creating and promoting videos. I make no promises about the effectiveness of my suggestions, but I hope you will find them helpful, and I welcome your feedback!

How do I become popular on YouTube?

Before we even begin to address that question, make sure you're sure of what you're asking. I make a key distinction here: If people visit your channel, that's attention; if people keep coming back for more, that's popularity. I've got plenty of ideas about how to attract attention to your videos, but it's ultimately your content that determines your popularity. Content is king. Content is the difference between a screaming baby and a screaming baby made of solid gold.

It's safe to make three assumptions about your content, whatever it may be:

1.) Someone's already done it
2.) Someone's already done it better
3.) Someone's going to do it even better in the future

These assumptions are humbling, but not crippling. Until you are being hailed by the entire Internet as "the next Star Wars Kid," let these assumptions serve as constant reminders that you are not the next Star Wars Kid. It's not the number of views that matters so much as whether your video is worth watching in the first place. Take Hollywood as an example: Avatar may have way outgrossed Serenity at the box office, but there's enough room in the universe (and in fans' hearts) for both Pandora and Miranda. Regardless of the number of fans, each of these movies brings enough content to the table that viewers find to be worthwhile.

That's really all there is to it: figure out what it is that makes your videos worth watching. For my Mega Man videos, it's the unique blend of clean humor, informative and thoughtful commentary, skillful and experienced playing, creative special weapon use, goofing around, and showing off. Other people specialize in damage-free runs or rely on gimmicks to set themselves apart. Even if you're a strictly average player with no particular experience with making commentary, enthusiasm (or outright hatred) for a game goes a long way.

Once you've determined the appeal of your videos, be careful not to ruin it with any of the following:

- Overlong introductions. Unless you're the Star Wars Kid, assume that no one knows who you are, and that no one cares. Say hello and get on with it. If you haven't told a funny joke, started playing, or done something to grab people's attention within the first 10-20 seconds of the video, you've effectively lost your audience.

- Dull or repetitive video footage. It's okay if you're not very good at Metroid, so long as you edit out the worst parts that aren't hilariously bad. Unless you've got awesome commentary, your video is going to drag if you show yourself dying in the same spot in the same way for five minutes straight. The same goes for taking your hands off the controller to talk about something—a momentary pause is fine, but any more than 5-10 seconds becomes interminable if your character isn't preparing to take a nap on the floor and mutter about pasta in his sleep.

- Excessively awkward, repetitive, or long-winded commentary. Plan out what you want to say in advance, and practice it. Pay attention to the words or phrases you use frequently (like, um, you know, etc.), and guess how many times you can get away with saying them before your audience wants to rip their ears off. And, if you're truly uncomfortable recording audio commentary, stick with text commentary.

- Unsettlingly loud noises. Please, warn people if you are going to scream at the game.

- Terrible video/audio quality. You don't need to have state-of-the-art equipment, but a Handycam recording your TV over your shoulder probably won't cut it anymore.

How do I promote my YouTube videos?

Once you've got some good content lined up, the next step is to make it accessible to the people who might like to see it. The best videos promote themselves; word of mouth is powerful indeed, but there are plenty of ways you can nudge your videos into the spotlight:

- Keep your channel organized. If viewers like your work, it shouldn't be a challenge for them to find and watch everything you've produced. Playlists are invaluable, not only for video series but for individual, unrelated videos that would get lost in the archives without a "Random Videos" playlist to hang out in. And, for the love of Xenon, choose a visual theme for your channel that doesn't leave people squinting to read the text.

- Provide descriptive, unique titles for your videos. "Let's Play [Name of Game]" is right out, unless you've got an eye-catching subtitle. Imagine how your video will appear in a list of search results—would you pay any attention to your title?

- Along those same lines, select interesting, readily identifiable video thumbnails that show up well at a small resolution. If the name doesn't attract someone's attention, maybe the picture will.

- Don't be lazy: write video and playlist descriptions. This will help you in search results, and this also provides your viewers with something to read if they start to grow weary of your video—which will buy you at least a few more seconds for your video to get to a more interesting part.

- Provide meaningful search tags. If you were to misplace your video, what terms would you use to find it? Use quotation marks if certain words are likely to be searched for together, like "Phoenix Wright" or "bologna sandwich." List everything you see in-game: trees, bottomless pits, monkeys, bazookas, etc. List everything about the game: system, release year/decade, genre, publisher, difficulty, etc. Use lots of adjectives, and don't forget to reference what you talk about in your commentary.

- Respond to comments. All of them. Creating videos is more rewarding when you're connecting with the people who enjoy them; people remember you better if they've had a conversation with you; and you can build a community of fans by simply taking a few moments to chat.

- Leave comments on other people's channels and videos. If you've got interesting things to say, or if you've at least got a cool username, people may follow you back to your channel.

- Promote your videos outside of YouTube. E-mail your family when a new video comes out, put a link to your channel in your forum signatures, embed your videos in posts on your blog, rent a zeppelin with your channel name printed on it, etc.

- Refrain from harassing your viewers. If they like you, they'll subscribe. If you're on Twitter, or Facebook, or wherever, it's fine to make those links available—just don't beat people over the head with them.

What now?

Time to put some of this advice into practice, I'd say. Let me know how things work out, and whether you've got any suggestions of your own!

A Year of Opportunities

We've already covered our official resolutions for 2012, but I'd like to lay out some fandom-centric...aspirations, if you will. I hesitate to say "resolutions," because the year ahead is more or less a blank slate at the moment--I'm looking to make the most of the opportunities I have while I've got the time available. Here's what I've got in mind:

- Write more about tabletop roleplaying games. I admit the vast majority of my experience is with Dungeons & Dragons, but there are still plenty of stories to be told and advice to be given.

- Finish my quest to watch through every official Star Trek that exists. I've completed The Original and Animated Series, Next Generation, and all the accompanying movies. My wife and I are now at the end of Deep Space Nine's fifth season, and we're two seasons into Voyager. We'll cap things off with Enterprise, after which I'll begin to brace myself for J.J. Abrams' next Star Trek film in 2013.

- Follow up on my User's Guide to Star Trek: The Original and Animated Series monster mega-post with a guide to TNG and DS9, most likely saving VOY and ENT for the following year.

- Trim down the ratio of unfinished games to beaten and completed games on my Backloggery. I collect games faster than I finish them, and I'd like that to change one way or another.
- Find a suitable permanent recording solution. I've been fighting with a problem-laden makeshift solution since early 2009, and the technical issues keep getting more outrageous with every video series.

One of my friends set the ball in motion by getting me a professional-quality microphone to replace the discount headset I've been using--the one that's barely compatible with my sound card and makes a clunking sound any time I shake my head too much while talking (I get very animated while doing my commentary). Now I just need video recording software that'll last longer than 10 minutes at a clip, and video editing software that works as well as Windows Movie Maker for slapping together multiple video clips and overlapping audio clips, but can also output videos of sufficient quality and size for YouTube without getting any other programs involved. I've had a few suggestions, but more are always welcome.

- Respond to blog comments in a more timely fashion. Seriously, this should not be so difficult for me.

- Follow through on review requests. We've had at least two people offer us review copies for this blog, and we have failed to post so much as a bullet point referencing the material in question. To the people who have offered us things to review, I am sincerely sorry.

- Get caught up on some of the key anime series I've missed. There was a discussion recently on my YouTube channel about Fullmetal Alchemist, which I'd heard plenty about but had never found the opportunity to watch; it's tough to keep track of your comments section when you have no idea what's going on. My parents got me a subscription to Netflix for Christmas, and it turns out there's a wealth of anime available, including FMA. You can imagine how my wife and I spent the last three hours of our day after setting up our account this past Sunday. It's like my college's anime club all over again, and I'm excited about what else is available to watch.

- Avoid staying up past midnight to finish blog posts. On a completely unrelated note, this seems like a good place to stop.

Gifts for Geekettes

Exfanded by Neko-chan

I am a geek. I read Dante for fun, I get excited about fabric samples and craft supplies, I play vintage PC games, I watch any sci-fi show I can get my hands on, I love world history, I have at least five different Green Arrow action figures, and I willingly married Nathaniel Hoover.

I am also a girl. However, I am not particularly “girly” in many of the traditional ways that people expect (i.e. beauty, fashion, gossip, etc). Sure, I dig flowers and chocolate, but I don’t usually wear makeup, I insist that my plaid Doc Martens count as dress shoes, I routinely put my hair up with office supplies and paintbrushes, I’m pretty sure a Kardashian is a type of sweater, and rarely would I choose to own, let alone wear, anything pink.

When I do decide to be girly, it is usually in an over-the-top theatrical way, such as my “Barbie cake” wedding dress that was 6’ in diameter and encrusted with enough sequins and beading to make a Disney princess jealous. My tastes simply tend to be capricious and unpredictable when it comes to anything classified as feminine.

Any of this sounding familiar? Chances are that you have at least one offbeat, unconventional female like me in your life, either at home or at work, whom you will feel obligated to find a present for this year. I understand that it can be stressful trying to choose the right thing; the combination of geekiness and femininity creates a powder keg of problems for any potential gift buyer.

Not only do you have to contend with the usual dilemmas of geek gifting such as “Does she own this already?” and “Am I buying the right character/game/version/edition that she requested?” but now you have to throw into the mix questions like, “By her pretty little bonnet, will she end me if I buy her these bath salts?” It’s always a toss-up whether we’ll react negatively to any of the “safe” gifts marketed towards women, and the whole idea of trying to buy us a decent gift can result in panicked nail-biting and a feeling of playing Russian roulette.

To help you in your quest toward purchasing a gift for someone in this diverse and oft-misunderstood demographic, I have compiled a wealth of ideas and suggestions to make this year’s gifting a bit easier.


Gifts for Geekettes, the Master List

Reading

Does she own more books than shoes? Is she on a first-name basis with her local librarians? Does she make you wait until a chapter break before responding to a question? Instead of jumping on the bandwagon of all this “e-book” hullabaloo, opt instead for a more personal and touching gift.

~ Try finding a rare edition of a book she loves, such as a collector’s edition, a first print, a special edition reprint, a signed copy, or simply a nicely bound hardcover version that will withstand the test of time. I highly recommend looking at Alibris. They have a great selection and some of the best customer service I have ever received.


Music

Does she have more than a terabyte of music on her computer? Does she listen to bands whose names you can’t even pronounce? Can she tell the difference between Baroque and Classical? Chances are that she will either have whatever album you buy her, or will be extra-picky about the types of things she listens to; therefore, try making her a mix tape instead.

~ Fill up a disc with songs that remind you of her, and include a track list with your rationale for each song. It will be like getting a gift and card in one, and she will have fun listening to it and thinking of you even if the songs, themselves, are not her favorite style of music. (Or she may hit you if you choose to be like Nathaniel and put “Tempted by the Fruit of Another” on your first mix tape.)

[Editor's note: Hey! It's a good song!]


Kitchen and Edibles

Can she name more than ten varieties of apples without blinking? Does watching her cook evoke the image of a mad scientist in a lab? Has she ever planned a vacation around the cuisine and restaurants rather than the sight-seeing attractions? Spice up your foodie’s life with some fun and exciting kitchen tech or edible curiosities.

~ Food Fighters Party Picks – Being a hostess is a tough assignment, so let her declare war on boring parties with these culinary commandos, guaranteed to earn her a Medal of Honor for exemplary food service in the line of duty.

~ "Equal Measure" Measuring Cup – Sometimes it can be hard to remember how many teaspoons are in a cup, or how many ounces are in a pound. Kitchen math is tricky. That’s why she needs this measuring cup, which makes life a bit easier by converting kitchen measurements into convenient everyday equivalents, such as the “volume of one human breath” and “one thousand sweet corn kernels.”

~ Combine two of her favorite fandoms by commissioning a cake that reflects her interests, such as an Xbox cake or a World of Warcraft cake. Or get creative by crafting and decorating your own baked confection for her.

~ MoMA Espresso Set – The perfect gift for the heavily caffeinated foodie. This set combines ingenuity with efficiency; with coasters that nest into the serving tray, and spoons that balance effortlessly on top of each cup. It can also double as an impromptu juggling act.

Art/Crafting

Does she sew her own clothes or accessories? Has she ever squeed over a sale on tools? Does she refuse to buy things in stores, insisting that she will find a way to make them herself? If so, try investing in some quality media and gadgets to help her on her journey toward inevitable Crafters Anonymous membership.

~ Laser Guided Scissors – If she is a seamstress, this gadget is the answer to a prayer. Using the power of lasers, these scissors enable her to cut a straight line without having to mark or measure intermediate points on the fabric, which saves both time and effort. Did I mention they come equipped with lasers?

~ Self Healing Cutting Mat – This is a nifty device that is useful for both sewing geeks and papercraft geeks. Not only does it protect her work surface from damage, but the quasi-liquid construction of the material actually reseals itself after use, re-filling in minor cuts and dents and returning to a smooth, clean finish. Yay science!

~ Prat Art Presentation Case – If she needs to transport her art back and forth between home, class, work, or client meetings, she definitely needs one of these. It comes equipped with a hard PVC casing, a carrying handle, zipper-closure, double-backed archival binder sleeves, a storage pocket, and a strap to keep pages from sliding around during travel. This was the most valuable and exciting present I received last Christmas.

~ Prismacolor Premier Colored Pencils – If your girl is a developing artist who wants to take her artwork to the next level, treat her to a set of professional media such as these premier colored pencils. They are softer, smoother, and easier to blend than the cheap Crayola or Roseart varieties, allowing her more versatility with her expression. Make sure you also tag on a soft-lead sharpener, though, as normal sharpeners are too harsh for this delicate medium.

Jewelry

Does she gravitate toward anything shiny? Can she correctly say the word “chalcedony”? Does she set off airport security with the amount of metal she adorns herself with? Well, if every kiss begins with Kay’s, then every Ohhhhh Myyyyy! begins with o-riginality. Spoil her with one of these unique gifts this year:

~Handmade Jewelry from Etsy.com - Etsy is the “eBay for crafters,” and there is literally something for every taste. You can browse through thousands of pieces such as a sterling silver Mega Man pendant and an eco-friendly leaf pendant made from cement board, leaves, and guitar wire, or, if you are looking for something specific, many of the sellers will also take custom commissions for one-of-a-kind pieces.

~ThinkGeek.com also offers a small array of jewelry for the technically-minded geekette. Resistance is not futile with their matching earring and necklace set made from 1/4 watt resistors, and you can buy happiness with their serotonin molecule earrings.

~ Homemade Charm Bracelet – Get creative by starting a charm bracelet you can add to each holiday. Instead of buying generic and over-priced charms from a store, make your own by drilling a hole in found objects, such as game pieces or guitar picks, and attaching a clip. It’s a cost-effective, personal gift that shows how well you know her, and can hold a lifetime of memories and memorabilia.

Home Décor

Does she long for binary-patterned curtains? Is her original Labyrinth movie poster still hanging on the wall? Did she need to buy extra shelving in order to display her replica ship collection? Put your gift-giving skills on prominent display with one of these geek-themed décor items:

~ Lightsaber Candlestick – Sometimes it’s nice to just sith down to a fancy candlelit dinner, enjoy some Wol cabasshew salad, and talk about how many rebel fighters you destroyed at work. For those occasions, she’ll need this lightsaber candlestick to properly set the mood.

~ Pac-Man Fleece Blanket – If you’ve ever caught your girl “paku-paku-ing” around the house in search of cherries, she might like this retro-gaming blanket from Perpetual Kid featuring everyone’s favorite ghost-slaying pie-chart.

~ Art Nouveau Firefly Posters – Want to be the best gift-giver in the ‘verse? Head on over to ThinkGeek and pick up both sets, Les Hommes and Les Femmes, of these shiny, shiny new posters.

~ Glow in the Dark Moon Clock – You know the best thing about space? Space! If she is a total space cadet, get her this snazzy moon-shaped clock to decorate her control room, and fuel her intergalactic imagination.

~ 18” Geisha Shoji Lamp - If your girl owns more anime than live-action DVDs, views cosplay as serious business, or owns at least one J-Pop CD, she may appreciate this kawaii hand-painted table lamp inspired by traditional Japanese rice paper screens.

Clothing and Accessories

Does she wear her Call of Duty messenger bag with pride? Has she ever used cable ties to hold up her pants? Are most of her shirts printed with slogans that make Luddites stare wide-eyed in confusion? Help her befuddle and bemuse the hoi polloi with one of these quirky wearable gifts:

~ “She Blinded Me With Library Science” Tote – Now she can express her love of both reading and 80’s pop references while carrying her books to and from the library.

~ Circuit Board Headband – give her the motherboard of all tech-savvy gifts with this circuit board headband so she can hold back her locks in style. And if headbands aren’t her thing, try making her a circuit board belt buckle at home with this handy guide from HGTV.

~ Threadless T-shirts and Hoodies – No matter whether she is a Star Wars fangirl, a retro gamer, an eco-warrior artist, or a foodie, there is a shirt for her at Threadless. Designed by up-and-coming graphic artists, these shirts have character and originality, the perfect compliment to your unique geek.


Hopefully these suggestions have been mildly inspiring in some way, and have left you with the security of knowing that there are plenty of great gifts out there for all the geeky girls in your life. You can choose to ignore my suggestions, though, and brave the malls crowded with foaming, ravenous zomb… holiday shoppers, but don’t blame me when your girl hits you upside the head with that bottle of “artisan bath salts” you were convinced she’d like because it was in a magazine somewhere.

Mega Man 6: Bloopers, Glitches, Tricks, and Behind-the-Scenes Insights

Think of today's post as a quick commercial break during this year's Gifts for Geeks show.

Following up on my showofftastic and reportedly humorous YouTube playthrough of Mega Man 6 is a bonus video showcasing all manner of funny and interesting things that didn't make it into the original video series:



What makes this bonus video different from previous ones is that I also include some top-secret and fairly extensive practice footage, discussing my video-recording process in more detail than before.

It's worth a watch, and I'm not just saying that because I made the video. I'm saying that because I'm also starring in the video.

Reunion

At last, I was married. All that was left was the party. And the honeymoon. And the rest of our lives. But I can see your eyes starting to gloss over, so I'll see what I can do about speeding this up.

It was great.

Join us tomorrow for our regular fare!





...OK, I guess I can tell you about the reception. I'll spotlight the two nerdiest points: table decorations and music selection (incidentally, my favorite parts of the planning process).

This is the part where everyone starts to think we had a Star Trek-themed wedding. While the invitations, my cufflinks, the medley of theme songs that played during one of the party games, the guest list indicating table assignments (with bogus invitees such as Roger Wilco from Space Quest and Jek Porkins from Star Wars), and the table markers were all clearly Star Trek-related, we weren't deliberately putting together a theme; it just happened that a bunch of our ideas were drawn from the same fandom.

We had wanted our table markers to be a little more creative than large-fonted numbers, and two pairs of my fellow GameCola staff members had already used some great ideas for their weddings that I didn't want to steal. (Well, I did, but I wasn't gonna.) So, after some brainstorming, the idea my bride-to-be and I liked best was to name each table after a class of starship.

Her plan was to make cutouts of various starships to put on the tables. I reminded her that she had flowers to make, and the wedding was three days away. We went with my plan instead: laminated paper with a different image of the chosen class of starship on each side, in the style of an LCARS computer display.

All table markers could easily double as placemats or posters for whichever guests brought them home. The classes we chose were partially limited by the size and quality of the images we could find--I value consistency, you know.

Per my wife-to-be's request, the head table was a Klingon Bird of Prey; the other tables were Starfleet ships, including Constitution, Constellation, Miranda, Akira, Defiant, Steamrunner, Nebula, and Oberth classes.

Our DJ was captain of an Intrepid-class turntable, and the table near the door was prepared to hold a Galaxy of gifts.

We had a rationale for most of our table assignments, but the one that caused the most ruckus was seating part of my wife's family at the Oberth table, directly next to our Bird of Prey table. "We're supposed to be the unarmed science vessel that gets blown up by Klingons in Star Trek III!?" was the outcry, to which my wife responded, "But you're my family! This is the table O'(my)birth!" I think you can guess which table marker wasn't taken home by any of the guests.

As for the music, we spent a good long time assembling a playlist for the reception. Our DJ provided us with a website where we could log in and add any songs we liked to our playlist, categorizing them as "Must Play," "Play if Possible," and "Do Not Play." My gal went in there first and populated the list with around 150 of the maximum of 300 songs the system would allow. I then filled up most of the rest of the list with songs I have saved on my home computer and from my Pandora playlists, urging my wife-to-be to shift at least a few of her requests to "Play if Possible" so that I might actually have a shot at getting any of my music played at the reception.

About a week before the wedding, our DJ informed us that we had requested over 10 hours of must-play music for our 4-hour reception. After some extensive calculations, I determined that this would preclude the possibility of anything getting played from our additional 10 hours of "Play if Possible" music.

The songs that did end up on the reception playlist offered a glimpse into just how eclectic our tastes in music are, and we were both very pleased with how it turned out. Some songs of possible interest include several video game tunes from OverClocked Remix, the original "Mah Nà Mah Nà" song on which the Muppets' famous sketch is based, the infamous "Numa Numa" song, Rocky Horror's "Time Warp," the Marrymore town theme from Super Mario RPG, and a few Japanese artists (Gackt and Marbell come to mind). The bride and groom entered to Lucca's theme from Chrono Trigger, and we closed off the evening with Europe's "The Final Countdown." The rest of the playlist consisted largely of occasionally mainstream 70's and 80's music, with sprinkles of 90's, Irish folk music, and etc. thrown in for good measure.

So there you have it: music and table decorations. Thus, the wedding story is complete. Well, as complete as is relevant to this blog. For now, anyhow.

Alright, so there's more to tell, but some stories are better suited to being told in person, and some stories are better suited for friends and family than every single person on the entire Internet. Hello, every single person on the entire Internet. Thanks for stopping by.

The last part of the saga is the honeymoon--or, as we've started calling it, the honeycat. If you can stomach just a little more marital bliss, find out how felines directly affected the outcome of our honeymoon in Part 7.

The Bonding

As my friends, family, and fiancée assembled the favors for our wedding, I worked on slicing up strips of paper bearing icebreaker questions for each table at the reception. Though this post is technically Part 4 of my wedding saga, it functions well as a standalone post because the list of questions is so extensive that I simply can't justify adding it anywhere else.

Below is the full list of icebreaker questions and statements intended to bring out the more creative, thoughtful, and geeky sides of our wedding reception guests. Feel free to use these for any of your non-profit needs (though I'm happy to accept a cut of the profits if you use them any other way).

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Name three things that people would need to be familiar with to understand you.

What’s one question you wish people would ask you more?

What’s the coolest/funniest t-shirt or movie poster design you’ve ever seen?

Name one of the most memorable advertisements you’ve ever seen or heard.

What’s the most elaborate party or celebration you’ve ever attended/hosted?

Name one of the most ridiculous luxury items you’ve ever seen.

Name one of your favorite costumes you’ve ever worn.

Tell us a story about one of the worst restaurant experiences you’ve ever had.

Are there any fictional villains you love to hate? Baddies so evil they’re awesome.

Has anything ever made you laugh so hard you couldn’t stop?

What’s the most impressive feat of skill or strength you’ve ever seen in real life?

Describe one mind-blowing action sequence from a work of fiction you know.

Name one fact you’ve learned that completely changed your perception of reality.

What would you do for a Klondike bar?

Fill in the blank: “Kids these days don’t know enough about _____________.”

What’s your dream retirement?

List a few of the most absurd or unfortunate product names you’ve ever heard.

What do you know now that you wish you knew then?

List one or two bizarre or impractical household inventions that actually exist.

Fill in the blank: “Chuck Norris has only been defeated once: _____________.”

Tell us about the best pair of shoes/slippers/boots/sandals/etc. you’ve ever owned.

What’s one word or phrase you use frequently that you picked up from someone else?

If you could’ve been born in any other time period, when would you have liked?

What’s the most drastic thing you’ve ever done to try to win someone’s affection?

Got any favorite plays or musicals?

The crafty Croctopus corners his crock of collectables in Coral Capers.

What’s the most pointless argument you’ve ever been involved in?

Name one sequel or prequel you’ve always wanted to see released?

Name something popular whose popularity you completely don’t understand.

What’s your favorite decade of music, and why?

Are there any technologies you wish had never been invented?

Got a favorite fast food joint?

List a few of the most obscure ice cream flavors you’ve ever heard of.

Do you collect anything? If so, what?

What’s your dream job?

If you could have any law immediately put into effect, what would it be?

What’s your favorite memory of playing a card or board game?

Describe the most unusual food you’ve ever eaten.

Identify one word that ought to be stricken from the English language.

Fill in the blank: “I could’ve majored in ______ for all the time I spent on it in school.”

Is there anything you loved to do when you were younger that you can’t stand now?

Ever meet anybody famous?

What sci-fi technology would you be most excited to have in real life?

Ever seen any live concerts?

Name one achievement you’re proud of that others might raise an eyebrow at.

Tell us a story about a hilarious/embarrassing case of mistaken identity.

Which do you prefer: remakes or reboots?

Name one thing you inevitably expose someone to if they hang around long enough.

Describe the hardest or most unfair game you’ve ever played.

Name something outrageously expensive you regret paying for.

What’s the most clever surprise you’ve ever pulled off?

What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed awake?

Has there ever been a movie or performance you walked out on?

What’s your favorite chewing gum?

Name two fictional characters who would make dysfunctional college roommates.

What’s one major life decision you’ve made that you would never change?

Do you listen to any music that might surprise people who know you?

Have you ever competed in a competition or a tournament?

When was the last time you wrote a letter? Like, a letter.

Fill in the blank: “They just don’t make ____________ like they used to.”

What’s better to have: brothers, sisters, both, or neither?

If someone made a documentary of your life, who (living or dead) should narrate?

Name something you took for granted until you left your home/town/state/country.

What’s the last work of fiction that provoked a strong emotional reaction from you?

If you were a superhero, what superpower would you most want to have?

Name a type of clothing/material you’ve worn before that bothers you.

If you could do one thing with no negative consequences, what would it be?

What’s the worst facial hair or hairstyle you’ve ever worn?

Talk about something you’ve read that was unexpectedly thought-provoking.

You’re a fictional hero—what’s your weapon of choice?

What’s the creepiest idea for a pet you’ve ever heard of?

Name one dessert so good it might make a spouse jealous.

List a few words or phrases that would make awesome band names.

What’s one thing you’re curious to know about someone nearby?

What physical feature or characteristic would you love to have naturally?

Do you know any other languages or dialects than the one you’re using now?

In combat situations, fictional or real, what role do you most often play?

Are there any songs that frequently get stuck in your head?

Name something unbearably cute.

What’s one type of accessory or clothing that is clearly characteristic of your style?

What specific dance or style of dance do you enjoy most?

Did you have a favorite childhood breakfast food?

What’s the ugliest animal you’ve ever seen?


[Translation from the Webdings: "Can you read this?"]

~-~

Stick around; I finally get married in Part 5.

The Game

We had run out of time to finish the wedding favors at home, and our chances of assembling everything onsite didn't seem so good: we had loads to do, and only a few hours before everything for the reception--including the favors--had to be handed over to the restaurant. This called for minions.

I call you a minion lovingly, Mom.

I rounded up a small posse comprised of family members, wedding party representatives, and my bride-to-be, and set them to work on putting together the favors. In the meantime, I sat at a desk and...sliced.

As much fun as it would be to say that we stuffed our wedding favors with deli-style turkey and ham (which would have delighted my vegetarian future-wife, no doubt), I found myself slicing up mass quantities of paper. After much deliberation over what, exactly, to put into a hundred little blue plastic containers as wedding favors, I decided a sort of board game would work quite well. After a fair amount of playing around with the concept and format, I had settled on a game (with some input and inspiration from my gal) that could easily be mass-produced, cut out, and rolled up to fit inside the containers.

The original plan was to have a board game with a title such as, "Race to the Wedding," in which players would progress along a set path toward the goal of their wedding, landing on spaces along the way that sent them forward for being good wedding planners and backwards for being total schluffoffs. Practicality put the kibosh on that plan, however, because what I had in mind would require a much larger playing area than we could reasonably mass-produce and fit into our fist-sized containers.

The final product ended up being an untitled game that fit onto two quarter-page strips of paper, with instructions on the back, and a game board on the front of one and a scorecard on the front of the other. Accompanying the two strips of paper in each favor container were a tiny 6-sided die and two rolls of Smarties candy, which make excellent edible game pieces (and were my favorite candy growing up).

That about covers the contents of the favor containers (plus whatever factory-sealed air remained), but my favorite part was and is, hands-down, the exterior:

This would not be my wedding if there weren't at least one reference to Mega Man. I was also ecstatic to throw in a subtle Crystalis reference on the reverse of the container:

Oh, yeah. We had a wicked-efficient assembly line going for these babies.

Now, back to the game. Here's it is in its entirety, with the directions reprinted below. Feel free to use or adapt all this for your own wedding:

INTRODUCTION: You’ve got ten months to plan your wedding! Can you make all the arrangements you want and keep up with your everyday responsibilities without losing your sanity? Probably not, but let’s try anyhow.

PLAYERS: One or more. Ideally, players (couples) will form teams of two and advance jointly on the same scorecard.

SETUP: Place one token (Smarties will do nicely) on the game board for each player—guys start on HIS; girls start on HERS. Place a score marker (again, Smarties) on the first circle of each category on the score card, for a total of nine score markers.

GAMEPLAY: Players take turns rolling a die and advancing that many spaces around the game board. Players may move up, down, left, or right to any adjacent space, but may not backtrack over any space they have moved through this turn. HIS and HERS spaces are off-limits after leaving them. If you enter the WEDDING! space, you must remain until death do you part.

When you land on an activity space (Road Trip, Play Stuff, etc.), advance the corresponding score marker (Road, Play, etc.) by one circle. If landing on an activity space would advance your score marker onto a “?” circle, instead leave your marker where it is and advance a different score marker in any other non-Wedding category. [See other sheet for further instructions.]

ENDGAME: Game ends after ten turns or when all players have entered the WEDDING! space.
SCORING: At the end of the game, add up the numbers in each of the circles on your scorecard that are currently occupied by a score marker. This number is your Grand Total. Cherish these points forever and always. Now, put them aside for a moment.

Compare your number of Wedding points against the total points from all other categories. If the difference between them is 3 or less, you’ve successfully kept your life in balance while planning your wedding, and may add 5 bonus points to your Grand Total.

Then, add the number of turns remaining when you entered the WEDDING! space (got married). If you did not enter the WEDDING! space before the end of the game, lose 10 points—you missed your own wedding, you goober! The person with the most points (biggest Grand Total) wins.

ADDENDUM: All players must then tell made-up stories about their wedding planning process and how their wedding turned out based on their points in each category. Note the wonky progression (and regression) of point values—I’m sure you can find a good non-gameplay-related explanation for everything. I’d love to tell you my rationale, but I’ve run out of space here, so…bye.

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I playtested the game once and am relieved to report that it actually works, which is impressive considering I came up with the idea and cranked out a finished product in a single evening. Whether or not it's fun is a different question entirely, but I'm hopeful that somebody enjoyed or will eventually enjoy it.

Slicing up the game boards and scorecards took some time, but the next bit of slicing is where I completely miscalculated how much work would be required, and had to hand things off to someone else.

My wife-to-be and I had collaborated on a list of icebreaker questions that would appear on individual strips of paper (good, hearty card stock, specifically), and each table at the reception was to have a cup filled with these question strips. I figured there'd be a fair number of total strangers sitting together, and this would also be another fun thing for people to bring home with them if they didn't care for the favors or the centerpieces.

Ten tables. Four pages of questions per table. Twenty-one questions per page. Mr. Calculator tells me that's 840 strips to cut out, and I don't care to do any further math to estimate exactly how long it would have taken if we had gotten through the whole process. Eventually we had to give up on four pages of questions per cup, and just threw together handfuls of however much we were able to slice.

For the complete list of questions, come back tomorrow for Part 4.

A Matter of Time

The invitations had been sent. The church was booked for the ceremony. The restaurant was booked for the reception. If we were to do no further planning, or if all our further planning were to fall apart, we would at least have a wedding.

Yet my bride-to-be and I had strong leanings about what traditions should be incorporated or left out, what the music selection should be, and what we should do for favors and table decorations. Anyone who's been within five parsecs of an engaged couple probably has a good idea of how taxing and time-consuming the planning process can be, but there's an added challenge when the planning involves creating almost everything yourself.

That is not to say that we built the church, sewed the dresses, cooked the food, constructed an android wait staff, etc. All I'm getting at is that, after the basics were in place, virtually all the personal touches we planned required direct involvement from us.

For starters, the flowers.

My now-wife is an avid reader and an artsy/crafty little kitten who had decided that we could do without a bill from the florist. Instead of professional flowers for the bouquets and boutonnieres (two difficult French-derived words I hope never to spell again), she decided she would make all the flowers herself.

Well, that only took around 15-20 hours over the course of about three weeks. However, we both agree the finished products were worth it.

Using blank pages pulled from the back of various books (an acceptable sacrilege, in this case), my gal printed up poems by her favorite poets and fashioned them into a different type of flower for each bridesmaid. The poems selected were from Dante, Mary Karr, John Donne, and Sappho, all reflecting different kinds of love--courtly, hopeful, metaphysical, and sensual, respectively. Groomsmen would eventually be decked out with flowers matching those of the bridesmaids with whom they were paired up.

Here's the step-by-step technical explanation of the construction process--you'll definitely need to click to enlarge:

And that's just one flower! For our families, she fashioned flowers bearing poetry and song lyrics from the likes of Harry Chapin and Langston Hughes that were particularly appropriate for the wearer. As for the bride...

...hang on--I need a new paragraph for this next part. But first, another picture.

As for the bride, she assembled a collection of flowers (I'm resisting the use of the word "bouquet" here) using the styles given to her bridesmaids and myself, as well as ivy leaves--which are the Celtic symbol of fidelity--adorned with the Three Friends of Winter (bamboo, and...um...fig leaves?). And echinacea, which is not a Friend of Winter, but we can pretend it is because I'm drowning in wonderful symbolism. Wrapped around the stem was her family's tartan, and a poem for W.B. Yeats' daughter (I am mostly confident she is not W.B. Yeats' daughter), plus a Celtic cross.

I got a paper flower.

Actually, it was a lovely orchid (my favorite flower, and the subject of a popular vintage guest post). My bride and I have been poets of a sort for some time, so my flower included poems from her such as, "My Love for You Is Like a Tarrasque," and the orchids in her collection sported my poetry from as far back as high school (my poetic heyday, if you can believe it).

While she was busy folding flowers and generally keeping the machinery of the wednaught in motion, I was hard at work playing Konami games. About three or four days out from the wedding, it occurred to me that we'd need table decorations and labels for our party favors. Also, party favors. We basically had a hundred little plastic pog containers filled with air. Factory-sealed air, mind you; we're no cheapskates.

There was a mad scramble to transform all these creative ideas that had been sitting around for weeks or months into something tangible. After a few evenings of (mostly enjoyable) toil and a number of visits and phone calls to the copy center at our local Staples, I had in hand nearly a dozen laminated table markers, a label for every party favor container, goodies to stuff into the containers, and fun little icebreaker question strips to put out on the tables.

Sample question: "List a few of the most obscure ice cream flavors you’ve ever heard of."

Okay, so that's not technically a question.

We had yet to cut out the icebreakers (10 copies each of 84 questions printed across 4 pages), stuff the favors (of which there were 100), and apply the labels to the containers. Fortunately, there was more than enough time to do all this. We would just have to skip the wedding to make it happen. Furthermore, our week-long honeymoon was to begin immediately following the wedding, which was being held in another state entirely, so at one point we'd have to stop working on the wedding and start packing for the honeymoon.

We simply ran out of time. We left in a rush in the middle of the night, arriving in town at 3:30 in the morning on the day before the wedding, to ensure we could meet with her family for breakfast and my family for lunch as planned. We brought with us bags and boxes of supplies that would allow us to start on the icebreakers and favors. We had our wedding rehearsal and a meeting with the restaurant that night, leaving us with about two hours to do something like eight hours of work.

I impress my friends and family into indentured servitude next time, in Part 3.