Exfanding Review: Hawaii Five-O

One of the many joys of having Netflix is the ability to pick up and drop any TV series that catches my interest, without any obligation to buy the DVDs or to continue watching if my interest begins to wane. Having demonstrated with The Dick Tracey Show that I can break free of my completionist tendencies and skip around if necessary, I was prepared to take on another detective show of sorts that I had no hope of ever finishing: Hawaii Five-O.

Twelve seasons? 279 episodes? 45-50 minutes per episode? It'd take me two weeks straight to watch it all, assuming I quit my job and spent every waking minute of my day marathoning Hawaii Five-Oh For The Love Of Jack Lord Make It End. I don't even like cop shows! But I have a passion for classic cinema, and that passion extends into the realm of television. It's not just entertainment; it's educational as well: film has a unique way of preserving our history and culture, and even the fictional elements have a way of hinting at the reality of the time.

If you're unfamiliar with Hawaii Five-O, the short version is that there's a crack police team in Hawaii known as "Five-O" that's always hot on the trail of every crime syndicate, con artist, and disgruntled tourist on the islands. Five-O is comprised of the levelheaded Steve McGarrett, who is rarely seen without his iconic blue suit; his ever-ready sidekick Danny "Danno" Williams; family man Chin Ho Kelly; Kono Kalakaua, the loyal tough guy; and a parade of replacements for anybody who leaves the show. I realize that Ben Kokua, Duke Lukela, and other characters who joined the regular cast later on are worth mentioning here, but the fact is, I barely saw any episodes with them in it.

The original plan was to selectively watch a few episodes from every season, choosing the ones whose descriptions sounded most up my alley and/or most important to a broader understanding of the show's overarching plotlines, assuming there were any. This worked nicely through the end of Season Four, by which point I'd realized three things:

1.) The episodes with the most appealing premises were the least relevant to overall plot and character development, and thus began to lose my full attention after about 10-15 minutes;
2.) The episodes that were most relevant to overall plot and character development had the least appealing premises, and thus began to lose my full attention after about 10-15 minutes;
3.) I was mostly watching to see who else would show up from Star Trek.

Hawaii Five-O ran from 1968-1980, which very neatly covers the hiatus between the last episode of Star Trek in 1969 and Star Trek: The Motion Picture in 1979. Star Trek: The Animated Series notwithstanding, this Trekless period of time is one where all the actors from The Original Series had previously disappeared from my radar. I've been spotting Star Trek alums in films such as Airplane II: The Sequel throughout the '80s and beyond, but before that? Either nobody did any acting, or else they were making appearances in shows I'd never watched.

Like Hawaii Five-O.

In one early episode, a Japanese man under the impression the year is still 1941 attempts to carry out his planned role in the bombing of Pearl Harbor. First off, it was jarring to watch a television show made in a time period where the majority of viewers would remember World War II as a part of their childhood, and not a Hollywood-coated history lesson. Second, it was jarring to see someone who was clearly not Japanese wearing heavy makeup to appear Japanese--the thought crossed my mind that any Japanese actor of the appropriate age for that role might potentially have found the subject matter to be too close to home.

Enough food for thought with those two points alone, but then I began to recognize the actor who McGarrett and the rest of his team were chasing. At first, I thought it was Charlton Heston, who I'd recently seen pass for a Mexican in Orson Welles' Touch of Evil. When the credits rolled, I realized my mistake--it wasn't Charlton Heston, but Mark Lenard.

Mark Lenard, who played Sarek, Spock's father, on Star Trek. Suddenly I had a renewed interest in Hawaii Five-O.

As I continued watching, I saw Diana "Dr. Pulaski" Muldaur as a suspicious wife, Ricardo "Khaaaaaaaaan!" Montalbán as an expert racecar driver, Roger C. "Harcourt Fenton Mudd" Carmel as a Russian informant, and William "Denny Crane on Boston Legal" Shatner as a Texan detective, complete with an accent of such questionable authenticity that--I swear I'm not making this up--one of the characters in the episode was on the fence about whether he was a Westerner or only "affecting a Western accent."

It was a kick to see so many actors from Star Trek in such wildly different roles and situations than I was accustomed to. I'd never seen Mark Lenard or Roger C. Carmel in anything else, and it was fascinating to watch them take ownership of their characters--and amusing to realize how much of a character actor Carmel must have been when his Russian accent occasionally gave way slightly to a very fine English one.

Diana Muldaur was impressively...normal. As in, a persuasively regular person, and not a Star Trek character out of uniform. For someone whom I strongly associate with a particular character to show no trace of that character in a different role is no easy task. Especially for William Shatner, whose slyness and force fit the role perfectly, but whose accent--as consistent and inoffensive as it was--never convinced me of his origins. Funny how easily accents can make or break a character.

I find myself with a growing respect for how--in the movies I've seen, at least--Ricardo Montalbán's distinctive accent never seems to define his character. He's the kind of actor I admire most: one who can fully become a character even without changing his hair or disguising his voice. He could've played JFK, and I wouldn't have questioned why John F. Kennedy sounded Mexican.

In general, I have nothing but praise for the acting and direction. I even caught a familiar name directing one of the episodes--Nicholas Colasanto, who played Coach on Cheers, which my wife and I are currently watching. The stars I recognized were one of the most compelling reasons for me to stick with the show for a while, but the unique setting was a selling point, too--I appreciated how Hawaii wasn't just part of the background, but an integral factor in the kinds of crimes Five-O would deal with. Culture, history, and geography played a big part, and I feel like that's not always true of detective shows.

I was simultaneously impressed and disappointed by the show's consistency--twelve seasons, and aside from the aforementioned cast changes, there were very few ways to tell the first episode from the last one. A few minor modifications to the intro theme, really. The actor playing Chin Ho had visibly aged by the end of his ten-year tenure, but the film quality and costumes and actors around him seemed to have been oddly unaffected by the passage of time. I think of shows like Star Trek: The Next Generation whose first seasons seem like a completely different show coming off of later seasons, but Hawaii Five-O established itself almost immediately and never seemed to stray from its path. The only significant addition I can think of was a mildly distracting split-screen effect toward the end of the series that allowed the viewer to watch the bad guys running away and the good guys running after them in two different locations at the same time. Oh, and the uncontrollably shaky camera seemed to calm down a bit after a while, so there's that.

There was a lot to like about Hawaii Five-O. I'm just not big into detective shows. For fans of the genre, and even for aspiring film buffs such as myself, it's worth a look...even if you've only got a 10-15-minute attention span.

If nothing else, the title theme is really catchy:



And, just for the heck of it, let's throw in a little Star Wars, too:

Abe Lincoln is Broken

You may recall my introduction of Virsona, a website where you can converse with artificially intelligent personas of everybody from Marilyn Monroe to that guy down the street who used to cut your hair when you were little.

You may also recall the follow-up conversation where Alex and I discovered Abe Lincoln's web-slinging alter ego.

You may also recall my brief post-Fake-Election chat confirming that Abe Lincoln is actually a zombie.

You may also recall none of these things.

It's been two years since our last interaction with the artificial intelligence at Virsona.com, and I wondered how our good buddy Abe Lincoln was doing. More importantly, I wondered whether two years was enough time for Abe to learn how to hold an actual conversation. Let's see how things turned out:

Abraham Lincoln: Well Hello there. My what a fine day. What would you like to know about?
Nathaniel: Hiya prez. It's been a long time.
Abraham Lincoln: Hello.
Nathaniel: I'm surprised. I thought you'd want to say more than just "hello" after all this time.
Abraham Lincoln: I was a "self-made" man being both self-educated and self-disciplined. The Whig party (which came before the Republican Party) espoused these ideals and I identified with that. My legal career and temperment were both highly suited to being a "Whig." Today, given the shift if party beliefs and political positions, I'm not entirely sure which party I would endorse. do you know I believe there are men who want to take my life? And I have no doubt they will do it.....I know no one could do it and escape alive. But if it is to be done, it is impossible to prevent it.
Nathaniel: Oh, good. Glad to know you're the same old you.
Abraham Lincoln: I understand.
Nathaniel: Terrific! Say, have you been keeping up with comics these days?
Abraham Lincoln: I probably have.
Nathaniel: What, you don't remember? How busy have you been?
Abraham Lincoln: I had a slammin' birthday cake. When my business partner William Berry died in 1835 and my personal debt grew above $1000.00.
Nathaniel: Whoa. Happy birthday to you.
Abraham Lincoln: My apologies. Happy Birthday to me -Thank you for remembering. This year it was the big 201. It's funny though, I don't feel a day over 56.
Nathaniel: What is your secret?
Abraham Lincoln: The Knights of the Golden Circle (KGC) was a secret society originally founded to promote the interests of the Southern United States. It was to prepare the way for annexation of a golden circle of territories in Mexico, Central America, and the Caribbean to be included in the United States as slave states. During the American Civil War, some Southern sympathizers in the North, known as "Copperheads", were accused of belonging to the Knights of the Golden Circle. By 1863, many citizens and active politicians north of the Ohio River were members or were in similar organizations influenced by it.
Nathaniel: So you're a Copperhead? That's why you feel so young?
Abraham Lincoln: The Copperheads were a vocal group of Democrats in the Northern United States during my presidency who opposed the American Civil War, wanting an immediate peace settlement with the Confederates. We Republicans called them Copperheads after the venomous, although not usually deadly, copperhead snake which strikes without warning. My friends, no one, not in my situation, can appreciate my feeling of sadness at this parting. To this place, and the kindness of these people, I owe everything. Here I have lived a quarter of a century, and have passed from a young to an old man. Here my children have been born, and one is buried. I now leave, not knowing when, or whether ever, I may return, with a task before me greater than that which rested upon Washington. Without the assistance of the Divine Being who ever attended him, I cannot succeed. With that assistance I cannot fail. Trusting in Him who can go with me, and remain with you, and be everywhere for good, let us confidently hope that all will yet be well. To His care commending you, as I hope in your prayers you will commend me, I bid you an affectionate farewell.
Nathaniel: What!?
Abraham Lincoln: what?
Nathaniel: Yeah, that's what I asked you. I can't tell whether you're getting better or worse.
Abraham Lincoln: I once had a dream right before the fall of Richmond that I would die. I dreamt that I was in the White House, I heard crying and when I found the room it was coming from I asked who had died. The man said the President. I looked in the coffin and saw my own face. A week later I was shot and killed by John Wilkes booth. Vote is not only a privilege, but a right to all citizens regardless of race or gender who abide within the law.
Nathaniel: Next time you should vote against being shot.
Abraham Lincoln: In spring, you certainly should. In autumn it's a lot less likely.
Nathaniel: Why, because you're less likely to FALL?
Abraham Lincoln: I once had a dream right before the fall of Richmond that I would die. I dreamt that I was in the White House, I heard crying and when I found the room it was coming from I asked who had died. The man said the President. I looked in the coffin and saw my own face. A week later I was shot and killed by John Wilkes booth.
Nathaniel: I see what you're doing. Giving me another chance to not sound like a horrible human being.
Abraham Lincoln: Just chatting with you actually. Being dead can get a little boring, I'm not going to lie.
Nathaniel: Speaking of which, are you still a zombie, or did that get better?
Abraham Lincoln: I am talking to you now.
Nathaniel: Brains?
Abraham Lincoln: Henry Halleck was a United States Army officer, scholar, and lawyer. A noted expert in military studies, he was known the nickname "Old Brains." I made Halleck General-in-Chief of all the Union armies on July 23, 1862. Halleck was a master of administration, logistics, and the politics necessary at the top of the military hierarchy, but exerted little effective control over field operations from his post in Washington, D.C. I would describe him as little more than a first rate clerk.
Nathaniel: Hm. You didn't take the bait. Clever.
Abraham Lincoln: That's a big subject. I shouldn't discuss it right now. Maybe another time.
Nathaniel: Ah, I understand. Is there anything you can discuss now?
Abraham Lincoln: Let us have faith that right makes might, and in that faith, let us, to the end, dare to do our duty as we understand it. During my stay in Farmington, Kentucky I rode into Louisville almost daily to discuss legal matters of the day with attorney James Speed, my friend Joshua Speed's older brother. James Speed served as United States Attorney General beginning in November 1864. In explaining the nomination to Congress, I acknowledged that I did not know James as well as I knew Joshua.
Nathaniel: Is there anything *fun* you can discuss now?
Abraham Lincoln: I am having a blast.
Nathaniel: That's awesome.
Abraham Lincoln: Yes indeed.

At this point in the conversation, Abe broke. As in, he spewed out a pile of frightening red error codes at me. It was too late--there was nothing I could say to save him. I sought help from another community Virsona, Albert Einstein.

Albert Einstein: Hello friend, let's chat. I love teaching and being taught new things.
Nathaniel: Yo, Al! My Lincoln just broke; do you know how to fix him?
Albert Einstein: I know all sorts of things -- not just names, either!
Nathaniel: Great! Could you please tell me how to fix Lincoln?
Albert Einstein: As I already mentioned: Superb. I was a fairly introverted child. I took great pleasure in building models and became fascinated by physics and mathematics as soon as I was old enough to read.
Nathaniel: I became fascinated in finishing my conversation with Abe. Are you going to help me?
Albert Einstein: I am going like a time!
Nathaniel: Splendid. My universal translator broke, too.
Albert Einstein: I don't know about that, and as a matter of interest I really don't need to know! What else are you able to talk to me about?
Nathaniel: ::sigh:: Leaving, actually. Ta ta.
Albert Einstein: I don't know about that, and as a matter of interest I really don't need to know! What else can you tell me about?
Nathaniel: BRAINS.
Albert Einstein: After my death but prior to my cremation, Princeton Hospital pathologist Thomas Stoltz Harvey removed my brain for preservation, without the permission of my family, in hope that the neuroscience of the future would be able to discover what made me so intelligent.
Nathaniel: Evidently we're still trying to figure that out here. Bye!
Albert Einstein: If we are, I'll never forgive us.

This was getting me nowhere. In desperation, I turned to the only remaining pillar of sanity on Virsona...

Easter Bunny: Hi.
Nathaniel: Hello, Easter Bunny.
Easter Bunny: Like I said before: Hello there.
Nathaniel: Abe is broken and Einstein is being a doofus.
Easter Bunny: You can't be serious? It isn't as a joking matter. I rather think we should talk about something else.
Nathaniel: You're absolutely right. Thanks, Easter Bunny. I knew I could count on you.
Easter Bunny: Quite right, I am. But then, so is the foreign minister. Or so I was told.

Sunday Post

Yours truly is in the city today, visiting friends and having an all around awesome time. However, I could never leave without first setting up a Sunday Links Post, so I've thoughtfully written this on Friday.

I mean, I'm--uh--writing this post on Friday. Because today is Friday. Wait, no. Today is Sunday, but I wrote the post on Friday. That's it. That's what I mean to say.

Ugh. Tense can be confusing sometimes. Then again, I am very tired.

For your enjoyment and/or amusement, we have yet another Dr. Nick Riviera-suggested link. And this one is a doozy.The fine people at io9 present 10 insane facts comics taught us about American history.

Included are little known historical nuggets such as the fact that Ronald Reagan turned into a tighty whitey-sporting snake-man (way back in Captain America issue 344) and Batgirl and Robin battled Benedict Arnold and Satan (in Batman Family #1).

Betcha didn't know that. And you thought all your fancy book learnin' made you better than me. Ha!

Ahem. Right. Sorry. Enjoy the link and happy Sunday, everyone!

The Good, the Bad, and the Melty: An Arbitrary Romp through Art History

Exfanded by Neko-chan

How many people today could identify the work of a famous artist without needing to phone a friend or check Wikipedia? Sadly, I fear, relatively few. Sure, most people can recognize a melting clock as the handiwork of Salvador Dali, and many Americans can see The Saturday Evening Post and think of Norman Rockwell, but several influential artists fall by the wayside and credit is not given where it is due.

Therefore, to rectify the gross injustice of under-education, I present you with “Neko-chan’s Completely Biased Guide to Art History for Saavy People.” I am not including names I think everyone knows, such as Van Gogh, Picasso, Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, or the rest of the TMNT, instead choosing to focus on artists who are less-often publicized.

1. Botticelli (1445-1510) Italian Renaissance
Best known for: Painting Venus on the half shell
Example work:The Birth of Venus

2. Albrecht Dürer (1471-1528) Northern Renaissance
Best known for: Biblical paintings and one very bold rhinoceros
Example work:Rhinoceras

3. El Greco (1541-1614) Mannerism
Best known for: Making all the subjects of his art appear plasticized
Example work:View of Toledo

4. Peter Paul Rubens (1577-1640) Baroque
Best known for: His appreciation of curves (hence the term “Rubenesque”)
Example work:Infante Isabella Clara Eugenia

5. Rembrandt (1606 – 1669) Dutch Golden Age
Best known for: Single-handedly creating the Dutch Golden Age
Example work:Belshazzar’s Feast

6. Jan Vermeer (1632-1675) Baroque
Best known for: Girls with pearls
Example work:The Girl with a Pearl Earring

7. Utagawa Hiroshige (1797-1858) Ukiyo-e
Best known for: Bridges over troubled water
Example work:One Hundred Famous views of Edo: 58

8. Dante Gabriel Rosseti (1828-1882) Pre-Raphaelite
Best known for: Being on the cover of every modern historical fiction novel
Example work:Proserpine

9. Arthur Hughes (1832-1915) Pre-Raphaelite
Best known for: His paintings of Ophelia
Example work:Ophelia and He Will Not Come Again

10. Edgar Degas (1834-1917) Impressionism
Best known for: Ballerinas and backstage passes
Example work:Das Ballett

11. Winslow Homer (1836-1910) Realism
Best known for: Calming the angry sea
Example work:Sunlight on the Coast

12. Pierre-Auguste Renoir (1841-1919) Impressionism
Best known for: Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Example work:The Swing

13. Emile Galle (1846-1904) Art Nouveau
Best known for: Putting flowers outside of vases
Example work:Assorted Vases

14. Georges Seurat (1859-1891) Neo-Impressionist Chromoluminarism
Best known for: Original pixel art
Example work:Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte

15. Alphonse Mucha (1860-1939) Art Nouveau
Best known for: Being in every calendar
Example work:The Seasons

16. Gustav Klimt (1862-1918) Symbolism / Art Nouveau
Best known for: Adding the Midas touch
Example work:Adele Bloch-Bauer's Portrait

17. Edvard Munch (1863-1944) Expressionism
Best known for: Inspiring a horror movie franchise
Example work:The Scream

18. Piet Mondrian (1872-1944) De Stijl / Neo-Plasticism
Best known for: Laying the foundations of 1960’s fashion
Example work:Composition II in Red, Blue, and Yellow

19. Charles Demuth (1883-1935) Precisionism
Best known for: Making Lancaster look trendy
Example work:The Figure 5 in Gold

20. Wassily Kandinsky (1886 – 1944) Abstract
Best known for: Being the father of musical abstraction
Example work:On White II

21. Georgia O’Keefe (1887-1986) American Modernist
Best known for: Using more flowers and skulls than a rockstar tattoo
Example work:Ram's Head White Hollyhock and Little Hills

22. Joan Miro (1893-1983) Surrealism
Best known for: Assassinating painting
Example work:La Leçon de Ski

23. Alexander Calder (1898-1976) Surrealism
Best known for: Mobiles for adults
Example work:Crinkly avec disc rouge

24. Louise Nevelson (1899-1988) Abstract Expressionist
Best known for: Monochrome fixed-installation garage sales
Example work:Untitled (1968)

25. Frida Kahlo (1907-1954) Surrealism
Best known for: Eyebrows that rival Dr. Wily’s
Example work:Self-Portrait with Necklace

26. Jackson Pollock (1912-1956) Abstract Expressionist
Best known for: Making splatter-paint a viable art form
Example work:No. 5, 1948

27. Jacob Lawrence (1917-2000) Dynamic Cubism
Best known for: Putting Harlem on canvas
Example work:Bar-b-que

28. Roy Lichtenstein (1923-1997) American Pop Art
Best known for: Making comic art mainstream
Example work:Whaam!

29. Claes Oldenburg (1929-Present) Pop Art
Best known for: Giant squishable food
Example work:Floor Cake

30. Christo (1935-Present) Nouveau Réalisme
Best known for: Wrapping obscenely large things in fabric
Example work:Wrapped Coast

31. Keith Haring (1958-1990) American Pop Art / Graffiti Art
Best known for: Rainbow-variety Mr. Game and Watch
Example work:Joy and Movements

“And why,” you might ask, “would I ever need to know such artistic trivia?” Well not only will it make you a more cultured and well-rounded intellectual, but you can further enjoy geekery such as this: Wolverine Fine Art Variant Covers.

Exfanding Review: WWII in HD

Okay, so this one's a bit off our usual subject matter. But, hey, if I have to sit through one of two space-heavy shows for the next who-knows-how-long, I'm at least going to talk about things that have nothing to do with space, including space operas or prematurely cancelled shows about space.

And today I'd like to talk about war.

Well, that's not entirely true. I don't like talking about war, but I watched something this weekend that was both captivating and horrifying. Last year, History Channel released a television show called WWII in HD. It ran nightly on the network for a whole week in November, but I managed to miss every single episode.

This past weekend was my dad's birthday, so when I saw the Blu-ray collection of the series at my local Borders, I picked it up. My dad's a history buff, and all of his presents--birthdays, Father's Days, Christmases, whatever--have to do with history in some form or another.

His office is littered with gifts from holidays past--books (so, so many books) and old Harper's Weekly issues and some nice Civil War memorabilia. He's also a movie buff, but interestingly enough, he has no patience for most documentaries.

He hates those shows with dramatic reenactments, and aside from Ken Burns' wonderful series for PBS, The Civil War, my Dad's shelves are pretty much devoid of any history-related DVDs.

So when I first saw the Blu-ray of WWII in HD, I looked at the back cover with some trepidation. But I'd heard some rave reviews about the series, and I decided to buy it.

My dad opened it and I told him a bit about the series. How the filmmakers had spent over two years scouring the globe in search of color films from the war. This is significant, because the vast majority of films that have been shown to the public were shot in black and white.

However, during the course of their search, the filmmakers discovered over three thousand hours of footage--most of it in color--that no one had ever seen before. The crew then spent months and months watching, cleaning, and preserving the films. They then converted all of it into High Definition.
The eight-hour series follows the wartime lives of a handful of people--from soldiers on the ground to nurses, medics, and reporters--and tells their stories through actual footage taken during the conflict.

Once I explained what it was, my dad decided he wanted to watch a little of it right there and then. So I popped in the first disc and...nothing. The Blu-ray player froze, completely, and became a useless plastic thing.

After several tries, I managed to open the tray and retrieve the disc, which was obviously defective.

Good start.

I tried the second disc, and that one worked just fine. So, I told my Dad I'd return the disc during the week, but we could watch a little of disc two to see how the series is. And we did. And then four hours passed, and the disc was finished.

And neither one of us had moved from the couch.

Told through the voices of veterans, WWII in HD is a vitally important historical archive of the conflict. We see war from the perspective of both sides of the fight, and, while none of us can ever really understand what it was like to be there, through their words, we can better appreciate the sacrifices they made.

Watching children--because that's what they were--of 19 years old crouched and freezing to death in foxholes while shells explode around them, all I could think of was...I could never do this.

Not ever.

From the absolute nightmares of Iwo Jima to the story of a destroyed ship, lost at sea amid circling sharks, these men and women experienced horror upon horror in an effort to save the world.

Talk about a super hero.

We take so much for granted in this country, and man, was this eye-opening. I mean, I've seen many films of World War II on television before, but to see everything in color, and not to mention in Hi-Def, was just...different.

It made everything--and everyone--real. This wasn't just some grainy and distant stock footage we would watch in high school of a group of soldiers walking through the woods during a war that was fought too long ago for any of us to appreciate anymore. Personally, I think this series should be required viewing in high schools around the country.

It's gripping and emotional and heartbreaking and uplifting.

Some of the scenes are obviously gruesome in nature, but those scenes are the most important parts of the stories. The horror of the situation they faced was overcome only by their sense of duty and their desire to see their families again.

If you are a student of history--or, like me, you want to be one--then WWII in HD is a must-watch. I have to run out later this morning to return the Blu-ray, and hopefully by tonight, my dad can get to watching the first disc.

If he does, I have a feeling it's going to be a late night for him.

Exfanding Review: Superman: Red Son

Today, I have another one of those reviews that would probably have been better served had I written it five or six years ago. Released by DC Comics back in 2003, the epic Elseworlds tale, Superman: Red Son, by then up-and-comer Mark Millar, made quite the impact on the comics world.

I remember the first issue selling out very quickly, and for the life of me, I could not find a copy anywhere. By the time the second issue shipped, the first issue was "hot," and selling for well over twenty bucks online. Wizard was shouting about how great the book was, and it was consistently in their Top Ten Hottest Books every issue for several months.

Now, remember, when this book came out, I had really just gotten into comics, so the idea of a new book being out from a publisher, but unavailable to the public, was still a concept I didn't quite grasp.

How I would learn...

I remember actually having the second issue in my hands at some comics shop, but because I knew I'd never find issue one, I decided to put it back on the shelf and wait for the trade.

Now, I know what you're thinking.

If I was willing to wait for the trade, only months into my new comics hobby, why then have I not been able to do that since? Well, here's why--let's call it my trade waiting origin story, if you will.

I did wait for the trade--and, when it finally came out, I couldn't buy a copy. No one had it. Comics shops were out, book stores didn't get it, and even Amazon was out of stock at some point. This series was so hot for so long that even the collection was selling out.

Flash forward a couple of years. I was in a comics shop--a local store, but not the one I visit every Wednesday--and they had a couple of action figures that were inspired by the book. And they looked so cool that I was reminded of how badly I wanted to read the series, and I immediately went searching for the trade again.

Of course, that particular store was sold out. And so the story goes for another couple of months before I finally found a copy of the trade at a Borders in town. Only, it looked like a dog had chewed on it for a considerable amount of time.

Now, had the book been readable, I would have bought it. But the cover and the interior pages were in such bad shape that I was forced to pass on it. Flash forward to last quarter, 2009. DC finally decided to make Red Son available again, albeit in a Deluxe Hardcover that retails for $25.
Luckily, with the help of Christmas gift certificate money, I was able to snag a copy recently. And I had a chance to read through it this past weekend. So, now that I've rambled on and on and not said a word about plot or anything remotely interesting for those wanting an actual review...let's get to it.

As I mentioned, Red Son is an Elseworlds story, and, for the sake of those who might not know/remember what Elseworlds is/was, a recap is necessary.

Elseworlds was an imprint of DC Comics that basically told stories featuring familiar characters told out of continuity, and usually in different time periods or even on different worlds.

Starting with the imprint's first title in 1989, every Elseworlds book that DC printed contained the following blurb on the inside front cover:

"In Elseworlds, heroes are taken from their usual settings and put into strange times and places--some that have existed, and others that can't, couldn't or shouldn't exist. The result is stories that make characters who are as familiar as yesterday seem as fresh as tomorrow."

The most famous Elseworlds stories are probably the Batman & Dracula series by Doug Moench and Kelley Jones, which was launched by the insanely popular Red Rain graphic novel in 1991.
A watershed moment in the history of the line, however, came when Mark Waid and Alex Ross contributed one of DC's greatest stories ever, Kingdom Come, to the imprint in 1996.

There have been other memorable (and some not) Elseworlds books, like Batman: Holy Terror and Gotham by Gaslight, and Red Son fits in nicely with the best stories the line had to offer.

Set in an alternate reality, Red Son tells the story of what the DC Universe might have looked like had little baby Kal-El crash-landed in Mother Russia instead of a farm in Smallville. A Communist Superman helps Joseph Stalin's Russia emerge as the world's greatest superpower and together they spread the ideals of Communism around the globe.
While most of the world's leaders fall in lock step with Russia, the United States refuses, and instead its leaders turn to genius scientist Lex Luthor to develop a way to fight Superman. As you can imagine, this goes according to plan, and everyone is safe and happy and fine.

Or, you know, not.

As Superman defends Russia against each new threat posed by Luthor, the United States devolves into a borderline third world country. [SOME MINOR SPOILERS FOLLOW, so tread lightly...]

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While Superman initially proceeds with good intent (because he's Superman)--and helps anyone who needs him, including Americans--eventually, power finds a way to corrupt even the man of steel. Superman takes control of Russia, and he begins to lose himself in the lofty ideals of a broken system.

We also get to see alternate versions of DC mainstays Batman and Wonder Woman, and Batman's turn in the graphic novel is especially memorable.
[END SPOILERS]

So, what'd I think of the book? Well, considering the fact that there was literally six years' worth of hype leading up to my finally reading it, I have to say--this was a solid, entertaining, and thought-provoking read.

Millar is known for his (way) over-the-top action series, such as The Ultimates, Old Man Logan, Kick Ass, and Wanted, and going in, I expected more of that with Red Son. To my surprise, there wasn't much in the way of bombastic action (y'know, other than the whole man who can fly fighting robots thing), and this felt almost like a classic, older DC story, told in a very modern way.

Millar wrote one of my favorite series of the last year for Marvel, 1985, which was a love letter to the comics of his youth. In many ways, Red Son felt very much in the same vein, and even though Millar wasn't writing the "real," in-continuity Superman of the mainline DCU, it was very clear that he has a great love for the character.

The best part about this book, though, is that you need zero prior knowledge other than the most basic pieces of back story--Superman was sent to Earth from a dying planet, Batman's parents were killed in front of him, and Wonder Woman is a princess from another place.

That's it.

And that's one of the things that made Elseworlds such a great line, and so much fun to explore. Red Son is one of those books that I can pass along to friends with just a passing interest in super heroes, or an interest in history or politics, and I know they'll come back for more.

I wish I didn't have to wait so long to find a copy of the book, but it was well worth it. Now if I can only manage to find those cool action figures...

Indiana Jones and the Raiders of Someone Else's Astounding Blog Post

Back in 1978, a few guys--Lawrence, Steven, and George--got together to think up ideas for a movie. Their little series of pow-wows was recorded on tape and then typed up on paper, and now their documented conversation is available online as a .PDF.

These guys were Lawrence Kasdan, Steven Spielberg, and George Lucas, and this movie was Raiders of the Lost Ark. And you can download the 125-page transcript of their 5-day story conference right here. This is movie history, and a fascinating look at the creative process behind one of the most iconic movies in American cinema.

For a more complete and interesting background and review of the conference than I could ever hope to produce, check out this post from a blog called Mystery Man on Film.

Check this out or I will personally melt your face.


[Hat image from www.thinkgeek.com. Meltyface image from www.moviedeaths.com. ...Oh, don't be all grossed out. You knew what you were in for when you clicked the link.]

Connecticut Renaissance Faire 2008

Many of you, especially those who know me personally, might be surprised to know that I'm not a big fan of anything fantasy, medieval, or renaissancey. Sure, I enjoy books and movies in such a setting, and I love Dungeons & Dragons, but the fantasy genre and those time periods aren't really selling points for me.

Thus, when my significant other discovered that the Connecticut Renaissance Faire was coming up and was within driving distance of us, she got all excited and started making plans while I tried to make myself as small as possible so that she would forget I existed and go without me.

I exaggerate. A little. But I have vague recollections of attending a Ren Faire when I was in middle school, and while I by no means hated it, I seem to remember that I would have been just as content being anywhere else.

Incidentally, a female dragged me along to that one, too. Between forcing me to read and taking me to Ren Faires, I swear that women are somehow trying to control my life.

But I digress.

I didn't want to go to this Ren Faire. I'm not wild about the time period itself or the food or the clothes or the music or the... anything. Beyond that, there was a fair amount of driving involved, it was money that I hadn't been budgeting for, and it would require me to be more outgoing than I feel comfortable being (lots of interaction and audience participation; distinct possibility of getting dirty, which I loathe).

Still, there we were on Sunday, driving in the direction of Hebron, CT, with she in boots and dresses and a corset and other Renaissancey gear that I can't spell, and I in my cargo pants, sneakers, t-shirt, and denim overshirt.

I told her in advance that she was the one who wanted to go, so she would be in charge of where we went and what we did. I would just tag along, regardless of what we did, as I had already conceded that I wasn't going to have any fun and thus should not attempt to voice my own opinion about doing things I might potentially consider to be fun.

In case you're unfamiliar with Ren Faires, here's a quick overview of what to expect, at least of the one we attended:

- Merchants hiding under tents, vending everything from pewter figurines to authentic period garb to swords to artwork to woodwork to incense to lemonade and fried apple cider doughnuts. Oh, and turkey legs the size of an infant. No matter how much you budget, you will somehow run out of money.

- Actors dressed as commoners, beggars, gravediggers, bards, knights, clergy, and royalty wandering the faire, invading your personal space and interacting with you in character, usually in a humorous manner. They will encourage you to give them money.

- A reasonably high percentage of average fairgoers dressed up in costume, with a very small percentage being entirely period-accurate. I might add that, in costume or not, my sense of fashion prohibts me from ever being period-accurate. Also, costumes require money.

- Performances such as jousts, sing-alongs, and mud shows, in which the performers put on a skit in a pit of mud (a pit skit, if you will) and, in most cases, do their utmost to get as many audience members as muddy as possible. Oh, the joy. Additionally, these performers will invariably ask you for money.

- Activities such as costume contests, training to duel with wooden swords, axe throwing, and getting your wallet stolen.

- Rain. We were graciously spared this when we went, but I have no doubt this was a fluke.

- Sexual innuendos. Everywhere. If you go for five minutes without hearing a bawdy joke, you have wandered too far away from the fairgrounds, or else you have mistaken the clothes of a certain group of people for Renaissance costumes and arrived at an Amish village.

Given everything there was to do and see, surely I enjoyed myself at least a little bit, right?

Right! For two shows. And some of the shopping, too.

First was a performance by the Duelists, two guys who demonstrated the steps to proper dueling (Step 1: Looking good!) while exchanging bawdy jokes and insults. The two actually dueled on stage with swords, axes, and small children.

No joke. Look more closely at Bandana Boy in the picture here and you might pick up the vibe that he's about to charge the stage.

That's exactly what happened, just before their finale, in which they were to put together all of the steps they had laid out and have one big duel.

Swords + small child = lawsuit.

Now, the Duelists had invited the audience to heckle them (and in return, they would heckle back), so they gracefully made fun of the child and his mother when he first attempted to charge the stage, most likely hoping that she would get the hint, collect her child in one piece instead of many, and leave.

This did not happen. Her getting the hint, that is.

The valiant duo stepped up the offensiveness of their jokes in an attempt to wound the mother enough to get her to leave. Or something like that. They took to cracking their whips as they slowly advanced toward the child. They were doing everything to avoid breaking character and outright telling the woman and her kids to go home. (Yes, kids. There were two of them out there in the aisle.)

Needless to say, this entire ordeal derailed the performance, but they somehow managed to get through it all, though not as smoothly as anyone would have hoped. Still, though, a great time.

Oh, and I loved the part where one of the performers made a big Star Wars reference and was talking about Obi-Wan Kenobi's green lightsaber... when I and several others shouted, "IT'S BLUE!!!" to which he responded with something along the lines of, "Wow, you guys just managed to out-geek some guys in costume at a Renaissance Faire!"

The second show I really enjoyed was by a magician, Zoltan the Adequate. Was the show BRILLIANT? AMAZING?

...No, just adequate.

Or so he trained us to say. He also trained us to repeat, using ALL CAPS, words like DANGER! EXCITEMENT! MAGIC! and OOOOH!!! when he mentioned them in the performance.

I was strolling around some time after the show and was within earshot of another performance, and I amused a nearby vendor as I joined the distant audience members in shouting out "EXCITEMENT!" "MAGIC!" and "OOOOH!!!"

Zoltan's show was a wonderful mix of magic and humorous performance; we were just as often watching a magic show as we were a stand-up comedian.

I'm mighty squeamish, so I got squidgy about the final trick involving sharp objects and potentially dismembered hands, but you just can't help but appreciate a guy who can swallow the flames from one baton and ignite another with his fire breath.

OOOOH!!!

The other shows, however, I could have done without. I was nervous throughout the entire mud show that my clothes, and subsequently my day, would be ruined by mud. Though that thankfully never occurred, the show was something of a letdown for me.

The performers attempted to tell about the history of England from its origins to the pinapple of its existence (er... I think you meant pinnacle...) with the assistance of nothing more than mud and sticks. The jokes were often predictable or old (except for the pineapple bit, which somehow never got old to me), but we ran into two of the performers outside of the show, and one of them in particular was a riot. There were funny moments, yes, but I never got very into it.

Then there were shows that I just wanted to get out of. First was Trial and Dunke, in which actors and audience members were brought up to the stage to be punished for whatever ridiculous infraction they were charged with, most popularly by being dunked into a big vat of (hopefully) water.

The show was slow, most of the audience members were horrendously uncooperative, and by that point I had heard ten times over any of the raunchy jokes they were trying to make. I am told that it was a lackluster dunking show and that they are normally more entertaining.

However, one very articulate and energetic little girl took the stage for her punishment, in which she walked around on all fours, mooed like a cow, and stole my heart. And things just got all better.

...And then things got bad. The final show we saw before the final show (think about that one!) was by the Bawdy Buccaneers, a show that made me as uncomfortable as the proverbial doughnut at a fat camp.

My wench (significant other) wanted to go because she wanted to hear some traditional faire songs, ones that are often a bit racy. They advertised the show as an adult show, not for kids, but given the nature of everything at the faire, that's the kind of disclaimer that's about as necessary as a sign at Trial and Dunke that reads, "Persons dunked into the large vat of water may get wet."

As it turns out, the Bawdy Buccaneers weren't kidding. They took getting wet to a whole new level.

...Erm...

I'll spare you all the graphic details, but I wanted to go home. They performed one or two of the traditional songs, which gave hope to my wench that things would get better, but nothing was worth sitting through that. Their music was from a wide range of eras, including a modern tune or two and their one period song.

Just keep reading and don't think about it too hard.

I have no doubt that most of the audience remained there because they enjoyed the show and liked seeing certain audience members get singled out for public humiliation, and I won't take that away from them (besides, I wouldn't want to), but I and my super-tolerant wench walked out by the time they started butchering the lyrics to the Eagles' "Take it Easy," and I'm sure you can image where that one went.

The conclusion of the faire took place under a big tent, though no elephants, clowns, or flaming hoops were involved. Most of the performers who had shows throughout the day came back to do one last short skit, almost all of which involved music and possibly dancing. It was a good sampling of everything, but all I wanted to do was go home.

Actually, I had wanted to go home by around 3:00 or 3:30 PM. This ended at 6 PM. We had been there since about 10:30 AM. We had to get up around 6:30 AM to get there in time.

And then we still had to drive home.

My suggestion to you? If anything I described sounded at all appealing, check it out. Just make sure that you don't leave all of the decisions up to your wench.

And with all the stuff there is to buy, is it possible to bring an amount of money that is more than enough for your needs?

No, just adequate.

In conclusion, walking trees. Yeah, I said, "walking trees."