Tuesday, May 3, 2011

On the Defensive

I've been doing an awful lot of arguing, debating, and opinon-swapping in the last two months, and while I feel like I'm getting better at thinking through my arguments and phrasing them properly, it's wearing on me to constantly be on the defensive to some degree.

Sometimes it's been about ponderous philosophical matters; sometimes it's been about process and procedure; sometimes it's been about gut reactions. For one reason or another, I've been explaining myself far more than usual, and I miss being able to express an opinion without needing to add paragraphs and paragraphs of support. I'm eager to have a few conversations where people just nod and agree with me, or where the conversations feel more like building something together than playing tug-of-war or running around in circles.

The conversations through e-mail and blog comments have been the most time-consuming--I can't even begin to guess how many hours I've spent in the past several weeks responding to people, which is alarming when it doesn't take more than both hands to count the number of e-mails and comments I've been responding to. Call it fatigue, or deliberation, or careful word choice, but writing is taking longer than usual these days, and it's cutting into my time to recharge and put myself in a state where it doesn't take multiple hours to write a single blog comment.

Fortunately, writing blog posts has been easier than it's been in months. Perhaps because I can stop writing whenever I feel like it to relax and recharge.

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