Friday, October 24, 2008

Presidential Candidate #3: Super Mario

With all the talk of Joe the Plumber out there, we figured it was time to show you what happens when a plumber really gets involved in politics.

Mario and LuigiPresidential candidate: Mario

Running Mate:

Party affiliation: Mario Party

Experience and qualifications: Veteran princess-rescuer; countless victories won against the Koopas; his Final Smash is awesome; excellent driver; master at sports, including, tennis, golf, soccer, baseball, and basketball; alleged plumber

Reason for choosing running mate: Luigi is the only one who can jump high enough to reach the boxes of pasta on the top shelf of the White House kitchen cabinets

Positions on the issues:
- Foreign policy: Mario will personally aid any foreign nation in need of assistance and will pursue his objectives tirelessly until he succeeds or runs out of lives
- Economic crisis: If we plan carefully and time it right, a flying ship full of coins will appear and our financial woes will be over
- National transportation: Replace cars and highways with a complex network of pipes, springboards, and flying carpets
- Pollution: Anything can be cleaned up if you spray water at it long enough
- Military spending: We'll save money by claiming that "Shirt" and "Pants" count as viable battle protection
- Education: All schools will receive complimentary copies of Mario's Time Machine and Mario Teaches Typing
- Abortion: Anyone attempting to harm an infant of any age will be halted by a green dinosaur throwing eggs at them

What you'd have to look forward to at the beginning of every Presidential speech: "It's a-me! Your-a President!"

We continue tomorrow with a legendary candidate that is one of a kind.

[Image from]

No comments: