Monday, October 27, 2008

Presidential Candidate #6: Zombie Abe Lincoln

Today, Exfanding Your Horizons is proud (read: mildly embarrassed) to bring to you our final candidate for Fake President. Today’s candidate is one half of a Zombie Dream Ticket, and he's hungry for another term in the Oval Office. That, and brains.

Zombie Abe LincolnPresidential Candidate: Zombie Abraham Lincoln (un-deceased)

Running mate: Zombie Mary Todd Lincoln

Party affiliation: Republican

Experience: Led the nation through the Civil War, enacted the Emancipation Proclamation, considered one of our finest statesmen and one of our greatest Presidents. Oh, and... Blurrgh.

Reason for choosing running mate: After the reanimation, she just seems so much more clear-headed.

Positions on the issues:
- Domestic policy: No more plays. Or theaters. Or actors.
- Gun Control: My heart says no, but the three inch hole in my skull says yes.
- Equal Rights: Zombies were people, too.
- Stephen A. Douglas: He tasted fantastic this morning.

Chances of appearing as a secret boss in the next Resident Evil game: Very high

Reason for not being invited to host Saturday Night Live:

Least Favorite Actor:
A tie between John Wilkes Booth and Bruce Campbell

Well, that's it folks! All of our fake (and ridiculous!) candidates have had their chance to voice their platforms, and soon the time will come for you to choose. So, in the words of that old guy from the movie with the other old guy...choose wisely.

Zombie Abe Lincoln rises from the grave

[Photo (minus hysterical word bubble):]

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